


Someone to You

by empyrean03



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Character Development, Depression, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Romance, Slow Dancing, Suicide Attempt, cooking together, more tags will be added, multi chaptered, the tags sound dark this will be a happy story i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23203162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empyrean03/pseuds/empyrean03
Summary: Almost twelve years after Akechi's "death," him and Akira Kurusu run into each other by chance on the day he planned to kill himself.Finally, after years and years, Goro Akechi learns how to live.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 44
Kudos: 311





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> there will be mentions of suicide, but no actual death

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

Something wet plopped onto Goro’s bare, clasped hands. He didn’t even register the cold drop until another one plopped onto him again. The dull gaze he held onto the lake in front of him pulled away to crane his neck upwards, staring up at the dark grey sky.

It was raining.

Ripples from the drops hitting the lake increased as the rain picked up to a sprinkle. Goro rubbed his hands together, almost mesmerized by the droplets; however, he made no move from his seat on the bench. He twitched to move, knowing the rain would pick up but he was too tired to make any move.

Tightening his trench coat around himself and folding his arms across his chest almost protectively, Goro leaned back against the now moist wood of the bench. He tilted his head back, letting the drops hit his face and creating droplets hang from his eyelashes and drip down his face.

It’s June ninth, the twelfth anniversary of meeting the phantom thieves. Goro lifted his hand, examining the bitten nails before rubbing it across his face with a sigh. It’s the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday and he’s here, staring at a lake and thinking about how shitty his life is. He took off work to reminisce about bullshit he didn’t care about even five years ago.

That’s a lie. He did care. Why else would he take off work on his last day on earth? He thought about writing a note, but who would read it? The fucking phantom thieves? He scoffed. Nobody would give a shit. Nobody even remembers the detective prince. There were rumors he died. Rumors he simply grew up and didn’t want to be associated with the name. There were also rumors he was arrested.

There was a gun on his counter back at home. It would be so easy. He could go home now and get it over with, but Goro Akechi had always been a coward. He wished he could write a note to somebody, because perhaps it could dissuade him; however, he has no purpose anymore. He worked in fucking retail for Pete's sake. Shido was dead. The former detective prince persona is gone. Maybe he _should_ just hurry home and get it over with.

He closed his eyes. The rain was picking up, but he welcomed it.

It roared in his ears, his hair quickly dampening and his coat beginning to stick to him uncomfortably. Wind rustled through the trees and bushes, whistling in his ear. It wasn’t a very pleasant tune.

“Hey, uh, wake up? Are you asleep?”

Goro’s eye twitched, but he made no move. Maybe if he just lays there the person will give up and walk off, leaving him to drown in his sorrows literally and figuratively.

The person poked his forehead.

Goro had the overwhelming urge to snap the person’s finger. His eyes shot open and he sat up, the water in his hair whipping out as he whirled around in his seat to look at whoever was bugging him. Maybe he liked sitting out while it was beginning to storm, whose business is that?

Opening his mouth to tell them off, the words died in the back of his throat at who he was making eye contact with. Familiar grey eyes looked at him with the same shock and disbelief. A hood was shading partially of his face, but there was no mistaking who Goro was looking at.

Akira Kurusu.

Kurusu repeatedly opened and closed his mouth in shock, obviously not knowing what to say. Goro had no idea of what to say either, but he sure as hell had an idea of what to do.

Logically, he should get the hell out of there. Goro darted to his feet, and immediately walked off. Maybe Kurusu wouldn’t call out to him. Maybe Kurusu would just assume that this is a mistake and that he didn’t actually see Goro again. If Goro could get far enough, Kurusu wouldn’t interact with him.

“H- Hey! Wait up a second-” Kurusu called out, footsteps slapping and splashing against the pavement. Kurusu grabbed onto Goro’s shoulder and spun him around.

Goro pulled back, scowling. “What the _fuck_ are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” slowly repeated Kurusu. “What am I doing here?!”

Goro took a step back, pointing accusingly at Kurusu. “Were you looking for me o-or some shit?”

Kurusu laughed, dryly and without humor. “That’s what you say to me after...after a decade?”

“What do you want me to say?” Goro sarcastically gave him jazz hands. “Surprise! The murderer isn’t dead! Yippee.”

Kurusu’s expression somehow softened. “I- I can’t believe this,” he whispered. He took a step towards Goro. “We all thought...How? We heard the gunshots! We didn’t catch your signal at all.”

“Well, you can ponder that on your own time. I am very busy and--”

_Clash!_

Great, it’s now thundering and Goro will have to walk home in this shit.

“No, you’re not running away from me,” said Kurusu, running up and grabbing Goro’s forearm. “You’re coming with me.”

Goro hissed and scratched like a cat, trying to pull away from Kurusu who had an iron grip as he was dragged along the sidewalk. He was probably disturbing the peaceful neighborhood.

_You could rip away. You easily could, you’ve maintained the muscle of yours over the years. Why aren’t you just bolting? Do you perhaps want to reunite with Kurusu?_

Goro grit his teeth, swatting the thoughts out of his mind. Before he could comprehend anything else, he was pushed into a small diner and ushered into a booth.

The plastic seats squelched underneath Goro, him wincing at the uncomfortable sensation. Kurusu took a seat across from him, slowly removing the hood without breaking eye contact from Goro.

Goro, like a toddler, let out a loud huff and leaned against the chair. “Well, you’ve kidnapped me. Say what you want so I can leave.”

Kurusu stayed quiet, staring at Goro as if he was scrutinizing him.

“What?”

Kurusu continued to say nothing.

“This is bullshit,” growled Goro, going to stand up but a quiet voice stopped him.

“Please, uh, please don’t go…”

Goro froze, peering at Kurusu. He was staring up at Goro with large, pleading eyes. Goro finally got a good look at him. He aged well. Not a single blemish on his face versus the pimples he’d get along his forehead and nose, his skin had a light tan and his hair was grown out and tamed. He actually looked well kept and as if he got sleep the night before.

Reluctantly, Goro sat back down as a waitress came up to them and asked what they’d like to drink.

Kurusu gave the waitress a pearly-white smile. “Ah, just a coffee thank you.”

The waitress turned to Goro. Goro waved his hand. “Just a lemon water.”

She nodded and scurried off.

Kurusu turned back to Goro. “So, this is where you’ve been for the past decade?”

“Ah, no,” said Goro. He didn’t add on.

Kurusu tilted his head. His hair wasn’t in his face and he was without glasses. Goro could clearly see his facial expressions now. “I...How…--”

“Get on with it already,” Goro snapped. “I know what you’re going to ask, so just get it over with already.”

Kurusu sighed, rubbing his temples before taking a deep breath. “How did you survive?”

Goro shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Kurusu froze. “Huh?”

“I told you! I don’t fucking know!”

“Akechi, calm down, I don’t think you’re lying,” said Kurusu lowly. “It’s just odd.”

“Well everything surrounding me is a bit off-putting and _odd_ , isn’t it?” Goro snapped. He knew he acts like a child. He knows he is immature and gets pissed off way too easily. He does continue that princely little facade around strangers and coworkers, as exhausting it is, but fuck it all. Kurusu knows how he is. “I just woke up on the fucking concrete in front of some random ass person’s house in Kyoto, and now I’m here.”

The two drinks were sat in front of the two men, Kurusu quietly thanking the waitress and telling her they didn’t need anything else. Goro tentatively sipped his lemon water, waiting Kurusu’s response.

Kurusu closed his eyes, humming and making an entire grand show of drinking his damn coffee. He sat the mug down, slowly opening his eyes and resting his head in the palm of his hand. “Well, we’re in Yokohama so obviously some things have happened.”

“ _Obviously_ ,” grunted Goro. “I don’t know what else you want from me. You saw me, you know I’m alive, now you can feel all happy about your damn self and pleased that you’re perfect and nobody is dead!”

“That’s not what I feel at all,” said Kurusu.

Goro glowered, tapping his fingers impatiently against the table as his leg bounced along. He just needed to go home and take a nap. “Do I look like I give a shit?”

Kurusu sighed. “That’s the problem, Akechi. You’ve always given a shit.”

“What?”

“You give too much of a shit,” reiterated Kurusu.

Before Goro could stop himself, he quickly stood up and leaned around the table, grabbing ahold of Kurusu’s collar. They were nose to nose, Goro feeling Kurusu’s hot breath against his face that smelled strongly of caffeine. “I don’t know what your fucking aim here is, Kurusu, but I don’t need your cliche bullshit. I’m not some product for your psychoanalyzation, I am not some little rescue case to make you feel high and mighty, and I _certainly_ never want to see your fucking face again.”

Goro needed to catch his breath from that quick spew of words as he took out his wallet and threw a couple of bills down the table. He awkwardly climbed out of the booth and muttered a quick goodbye. He probably just made a fool out of himself and made a huge scene, but he got his damn point across.

“Akechi, wait!”

Goro ignored Kurusu calling after him and slipped through the door, rain immediately pelting his face. He needs to get the hell home now.

For the second time that day, Kurusu grabbed onto Goro and forced him to look at him. “How many times are you going to run away from me?”

“How many times are you going to run after me?” retorted Goro, but this time he made no move to pull away.

Kurusu responded with the most genuine sincerity Goro had ever heard in his entire life. It was a kind of genuineness that you’d hear from a best friend making quiet promises to you. A kind of genuineness a mother tells their child that they’ll always be able to protect them. A kind of genuineness a lover tells their sweetheart that they’ll always love them: “As many times as I need to--” Kurusu swallowed and his voice cracked, “I can’t lose you again.”

Goro didn’t know how to respond. His immediate instinct was to react with anger. Lash out. Prove him wrong. Run away. Instead, he shook his head. “Shouldn’t you be getting home Kurusu? To all of your friends? Your little ragtag group of delinquents and loners?”

“Friends?” Kurusu mimicked. “They have their own lives. We aren’t teenagers anymore, though it seems like you’re still living as a child.”

“I told you to not fucking give me your bullshit--”

“I’m not,” Kurusu said, raising his hands in mock surrender and taking a tentative step backwards. “Will you at least take my phone number? I don’t live far.”

Goro searched his gaze, trying to look for any reason whatsoever to refuse Kurusu’s offer but he couldn’t find any. Deep down, he wanted to keep in contact with Kurusu. He can’t remember the last time somebody had texted him outside of work purposes or a spam text. He had no friends and spent his entire life with the same routine. He sighed, and nodded. “Whatever.”

Kurusu _beamed_ at him and handed his phone over to Goro, who slowly implanted his contact in his phone. Goro stuffed his hands in his pockets as Kurusu began wiping his now wet screen and pocketed it again. “I’m actually on my lunch break now, but I might call you later. We’ll see?”

Goro ignored the curiosity of what Kurusu’s work was and simply waved as Kurusu gave him one last wide smile, skipping away. Goro felt a twinge of nostalgia. Some things never change, do they?

As Goro made his way home, he made sure to splash through every puddle.

When he arrived home, his eyes immediately went to the gun on his counter. Kurusu’s appearance actually stapled in his decision. He had a bit of closure, if it was only a little bit. Goro ran a hand through his knotted hair. It was shorter than it used to be, as he cut it as soon as Shido died.

He made his way to his freezer, pulling out some random microwaveable dinner and throwing it into the microwave. He leaned against the counter and glanced at the clock above the stove. **4:32 P.M.**

Kurusu should be getting off work soon.

Goro groaned, resisting the urge to slam his head against the counter. Was he actually going to answer if Kurusu called? Should he? He was about to kill himself for fuck’s sake.

The microwave beeped and Goro took out the formerly frozen spaghetti. He grabbed a plastic fork and went into his cramped living room, flopping down. He wasn’t actually hungry. Goro stabbed at a meatball aggressively. This was his last meal. Microwaved spaghetti. He ate the meatball. It settled uneasily in his stomach.

He spared another glance at the gun. Should he just do it now? Time was running out and if it was too late he knows he’ll chicken out.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed aside his dinner and stood up. Slowly and reluctantly, he walked over to the gun and picked it up gingerly. Thoughts should’ve been swarming in his head. He should’ve been uneasy. He should’ve been scared, but the only thought in his head was questioning whether he should do it now or after Kurusu calls him.

Goro shook his head and brought the gun with him to his spot on the couch. He stared at it, the gun almost taunting him. Why did Kurusu have to fucking show up today?

He’s had enough. That piece of shit is always ruining his fucking plans. Goro lifted the gun, bringing it to his head.

His heart was pounding. Why is it racing? He should be excited. He’s been wondering why he didn’t die in that engine room all those years ago. Why the gods just haven’t ended him yet. Why fate allowed him to live.

_Ring ring! Ring ring!_

Goro jolted, the finger against the trigger wavering. He peered down. Kurusu was calling him. Of fucking course. He hadn’t even realize how much he was shaking until he set the gun down on the table and replaced it with his phone.

_Ring ring! Ring ring!_

He answered, “Hello?”

_“You answered!”_

Goro looked at the time on his stove. **5:01 P.M**. “Yeah, I did.”

_“So, where do you live?”_

“Why would I tell you that?”

“ _I don’t need your actual address, I’m just curious.”_

“I live in an apartment. About five minutes from the park I was at.” Goro looked out the window. He could even see the park from where he was at. Rain droplets pitter pattered against his window as thunder boomed. “You probably don’t live too far from me.”

_“That’s crazy! It must be fate.”_

“Fate, huh?” breathed Goro, glancing down at his gun. “Sure.”

“ _Don’t you remember how often you’d go on about fate? How you believe our meeting was destiny?_ ”

“It’s been twelve years. And half of the shit I said to you was a lie.”

_“But I don’t think that was. Out of everything you’ve said to me, I don’t think that was one of the lies. Because I felt the same way. I think fate has brought us together.”_

Goro looked down at the gun, his grip tightening on his phone. Was it fate Kurusu called him as he was about to end it all? Is it fate that he and Kurusu always fucking end up running into each other? Goro’s eye twitched. He changed the subject. “Where do you work?”

Kurusu didn’t comment on the sudden subject change. “ _I’m a social worker.”_

“And how am I not fucking surprised.”

_“What about you?”_

“I work in retail at Justice at the mall.”

Kurusu snorted, giggling but quickly covering it up with a cough. “A _nd how did that happen?”_

“I have no college degree and I can’t exactly put down a detective prince on my forms. Goro Akechi is dead, Kurusu.”

“S _o you purposefully let everybody think you’re dead? Did you change your name and shit?”_

Goro picked at the painful hangnail on his thumb. “What’s it matter?”

“ _I’m really happy you answered my call, Akechi. It means a lot._ ”

“Yeah. Whatever.” Goro shifted, leaning back and crossing his legs. “So whatever happened to your little...vigilante shit group?”

“L _ong version or short version?_ ”

“I don’t give a shit. Short version.”

“ _Right. Well, we changed Shido’s heart--_ ”

“Yeah I know that. I saw his execution on the news a few years back. Took them fucking forever,” Goro sighed. “I wish it was me who executed him.”

“ _Well you were off the face of the earth and presumed dead, I also promised you I’d change his heart._ ”

“Okay, move along.”

“I _was in jail for a couple months. I was then released. Phantom thieves disbanded. Makoto and Haru graduated, Makoto went on to the police force and Haru owns her own cafe. They both still live in Tokyo actually--I haven’t spoken to either of them in person in a year I think?_ ”

“They were both...They were both always smart girls. How is Sae?”

“ _Uh, I have no clue actually. She was the one who saved my ass, though. She’s probably just still kicking ass in the courtroom._ ”

Goro couldn’t keep the small smile off his face. He always liked Sae. “And the rest of you guys?”

“ _Oh right! I finished school in my home town and I knew I wanted to go into social work. Save kids from other shitty adults...I had no idea what to do, but after hearing your story it kind of convinced me of what I wanted to do. Ryuji is actually a track coach at Shujin still. You wouldn’t know it, but he’s good with the kids. Ann is a professional model--_ ”

“I’ve seen her in magazines. The face of Chanel now, huh?”

“I _know! I’m so proud of her. Yusuke’s reputation is also nothing to sneeze at, as he went to some prestigious art college and now is a professional painter. On weekends he actually teaches art! I’ve gone to his classes. Yusuke and Ryuji obviously still live in Tokyo, but Ann actually lives in the United States. New York I think? I haven’t seen her in a long time, but I meet up with Ryuji every so often. In fact, he’s one of the few I actually keep regular contact with._ ”

“I’m not surprised at all. You and that dumbass were always attached at that damn hip. Don’t let him know you’re talking to me.”

“ _...Yeah. I’m assuming you don’t want them to know you’re alive_?”

“You’re correct. How are the Sakuras?”

“O _h yeah! Sojiro is actually still tending to the cafe, that old man. Futaba graduated top of her class and actually does government work_.”

Goro thought of Wakaba Ishiki and his head immediately began pounding, Akira’s voice dulling as all Goro could think about how he killed that girl’s mother and now she’s doing the same work.

“ _I don’t uh, I don’t really know what she does? I know it’s technology based. I probably see her the most out of everybody, because I still go back to Leblanc every two weeks or so_.”

“You don’t visit family, but instead Leblanc?”

“ _Don’t act as if you know everything about me._ ”

And Kurusu left it at that. Suddenly feeling awkward, he changed the subject, “And that...cat of yours?”

“ _Morgana’s still kicking! He’s stuck with me this entire time, even if he’s kind of annoying_.”

Goro heard a faint, indignant yelp. “Is he…” Goro swallowed. “Does he know about me?”

“ _Yeah. But don’t worry, he’s just a little kitty he can’t-- Hey don’t bite me you little shit_!”

Goro snickered, eyes dropping to the gun. “...Kurusu?”

“ _Yeah?_ ”

“...Thanks.”

“ _For what?_ ”

“Don’t play dumb with me.”

“ _...You’re welcome_.”


	2. ask me why my heart's inside my throat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from this side of paradise by coyote theory
> 
> thank you for reading :) this chapter felt a little slow to write but i think some necessary character development happened! once again there IS mentions of suicide so b careful.

Without even realizing, Goro had somehow fallen into a _routine_. Every night, after both of the men had gotten off of work Kurusu would call him and Goro would accept the call. Some days, the calls would only last ten minutes and Goro would take a shower, eat, and immediately go to bed. Other days, the calls would last for hours and he’d end up falling asleep on the phone.

It was nice, but it felt like a punch to Goro’s gut. A part of him wanted to apologize, but his ego and pride told him to not apologize for everything he’s done. Deep down, he knows Kurusu is aware of this deep struggle and just stays silent.

That motherfucker. He knows Goro’s feelings before Goro is aware of his own self.

Goro ran his hand through his hair, throwing his jacket on the ground as he slipped off his shoes. He shuffled into his living room and face planted into his couch. Today was a shitty day, having to deal with boomers and other sorts of rude assholes. He almost lost it today, but he’s had lots of practice.

Moving like a dried up worm, he wiggled on to his back and stared up at the ceiling. It’s Friday, at least, and Kurusu would be calling him soon.

His thoughts of killing himself were always in the back of his mind, however. They were never forefront, at least, but they were always dwindling in the back of his mind. The problem was he could never bring himself to end it when he met Kurusu again. He groaned, kicking his legs up and covering his face with his arms, feeling like throwing a temper tantrum.

_Ring! Ri-_

Goro, as if it was muscle memory, flipped onto his side and grabbed his phone to answer. “Hey, Kurusu,” he greeted.

“ _Hey...Uh, Akechi_?”

Goro shifted. It almost made him uncomfortable by how shy he sounded. “Yes?”

“ _Are you free tonight?_ ”

“Are you stupid?” Goro twirled a strand of hair around his finger with a sigh. “I’m always free, and you know that you shit.”

“ _I- I know but, like, you never know…_ ” Kurusu trailed off and Goro almost felt bad. “ _You wanna come over?_ ”

Goro went quiet. Is he even allowed? Obviously, the straight-forward answer would be yes; however, morally and all other things considered he shouldn’t even be allowed to have these phone calls with Kurusu. In the end, Goro allowed himself this one piece of happiness since he’s waded through loneliness the past decade or so.

Kurusu must’ve noticed his sudden uncomfortableness because he began stammering, “ _You don’t have to! Just, uh, we’re friends...and uh, you must be lonely alone all the time_.”

It’s truly a wonder how Kurusu could go from shy high school student that evolved into Joker, that almost devolved back into the shy specimen he once was with only bits and pieces of the formerly confident leader.

“No you’re fine,” sighed Goro. “I’ll come over. Just let me shower and give me your address.”

“ _Awesome! Come over as soon as you're done_!”

“Right, see you later,” hummed Goro as he hung up. He sat up immediately and let out a long, dramatic groan.

Maybe he should’ve just fucking died in that god damn engine room.

Goro slowly rose, knees creaking as if he’s aged twice as fast as the average human and hurried to grab his clothes and towel.

When he stepped inside his shower once steam began rolling out and his mirror fogged up, it immediately burned him. He stood there, letting himself be scalded as he soon grew used to the hot water. He turned his back to it, tilting his head back and getting his hair wet.

Often when he showered, he refused to look down. Refused to look at himself. It wasn’t exactly an insecurity with his weight or anything, no, he knew he was well built albeit a little scrawnier than he once was. It was the scars. Once again, it wasn’t necessarily an insecurity. They were ugly but it wasn’t as if anybody was going to look at them. Goro was a fucking virgin. Never had time for it as a teenager, the only thing on his mind was pure revenge and as an adult he couldn’t find himself to care about getting close to anybody in particular.

No. For once, it wasn’t him being incredibly self aware as the huge egoist he was. It was the cruel animosities and connotations that were associated with the scars. Years of hitman work, being almost murdered numerous times--that sort of stuff. Goro took in a shaky breath, turning around and letting the shower water pelt his face uncomfortably.

He pulled away, taking gasps of breath once he had enough and promptly turned the shower off and got out.

Perhaps he was a little too eager to show up on Kurusu’s doorstep, giving the front door a capricious knock and taking a little step backwards, as if he was prepared to bolt at any given moment. It didn’t take long to arrive. Kurusu was a fifteen minute walk, and considering Goro didn’t own a car, this was a good deal for him.

There was a loud yelp from inside the door which made Goro almost wanting to turn tail and flee, however the door swung open with a _WHAP_ and Kurusu stood there, almost out of breath. His panting turned into a welcoming smile as he stepped aside. “Welcome to my lovely abode!”

Goro walked in, quickly taking off his shoes and incontinently looked around. It was much, much nicer than Goro’s apartment and it was much quieter. Goro himself was cursed by neighbors who fucked like rabbits. He looked back at Kurusu who was staring at the front door still, seemingly in deep thought. Goro was about to open his mouth to snap him out of it, but Kurusu whirled around and grabbed Goro by the elbow and led him into his kitchen.

Welcomingly, he was greeted by an overwhelming plentitude of smells and spices. It made his nose twinge, however it was a welcoming smell that made his tensed up body relax. He looked at the dining table, with two chairs with plush seating, where there was the food to be served. He sniffed. He looked over at Kurusu who was staring right at him with a waiting expression, as if he craved Goro’s approval.

Goro flushed, but tilted his head and asked, “did you make curry?”

Kurusu flushed. “Twelve years later and it’s still the best thing I can make.” Kurusu gestured to the table. “I made some side stuff though, so don’t get onto me too much.”

“It’s uh...Alright. All I eat is microwaved dinners,” Goro admitted sheepishly.

“We should...um...eat...then?” Kurusu awkwardly pulled out a chair, and then went over to his own chair and sat down. He immediately began serving himself.

Goro silently grew hot over the fact his chair was pulled out for him as if he was a girl and took his own seat. He looked at the food Kurusu made and began piling food onto his plate.

Kurusu stood up with a little gasp and rummaged through his cupboards and brought out glasses, with it was a bottle of wine. He turned to Goro and gestured with his head in a slight tilt to the bottle. “Wine?”

Goro shook his head. “I don’t drink.” He raised an eyebrow. “I’m surprised you do.”

“I’m surprised you don’t,” Kurusu shot back, promptly pouring himself a glass and situating himself back onto his chair.

Goro immediately tensed, nails digging into his palm where they formed small crescent-shapes and his teeth grinding immediately. His dentist has chastised him about that too. “What does that mean?”

Kurusu sighed. “I’m not trying to attack you, Akechi, I’m sorry.” He took a sip. “I just meant that you’re probably stressed a lot and I use alcohol as a destresser.”

“I may be stupid,” began Goro, stabbing at his food a little to harshly, “but after my mom before she died, with all of her drinking, I’m not gonna risk following in her footsteps.”

“You’re not stupid,” hastily said Kurusu.

Goro didn’t say anything and shoved the food in his mouth so he wouldn’t continue his hostilities. This always happened when him and Kurusu interacted. Goro would get needlessly hostile and take things the wrong way, even though he knew deep down that wasn’t how Kurusu worked, and then blow things out of proportion. He looked up at Kurusu who was looking at him expectantly. He swallowed. “It’s good.”

“Thanks. I can make you coffee too, if you want?”

“Oh,” Goro gave Kurusu a small smile. “I’m assuming your coffee making skills have also improved exponentially? I’ll have a cup.”

Kurusu grinned widely, the smile being almost reminiscent of Joker. “Of course I’ve improved. I’m better than Sojiro,” he boasted as he got out of his chair and began making the cup.

Goro looked down at Kurusu’s untouched plate. “You haven’t eaten yet.”

Kurusu didn’t even look at him. “How was your day?”

Goro ignored the obvious subject change, not exactly in any mood to probe him and instead let himself be steered. “Awful,” he bluntly replied.

Kurusu snickered, looking back at Goro for a second with an amused smile, eyes crinkling before turning back to his coffee. “How so?”

“I told you I work at retail--” Kurusu placed the steaming mug in front of him. “--thank you--and just, the customers are a fucking nightmare!” Goro eyed Kurusu as he finally began eating. There’s one less worry, Kurusu starving himself or some shit.

“Why don’t you quit and go back to school?”

Goro waved him off. “What would I do? I have no high school diploma. I’m thirty, Kurusu.”

Kurusu went quiet, silently stirring his food around before thoughtfully spooning it into his mouth. The only sound was their utensils scraping against the plate and the occasional slurp of their designated drink. It wasn’t uncomfortable, perse, it was just bringing back past memories of high school. Back when Goro and Kurusu were at a comfortable distance where Goro wasn’t aware of Kurusu’s life and he wasn’t aware of his. Kurusu made coffee. Goro drank it. They shared some parting words and Kurusu left.

A part of him still longs for the simpler times, but he’ll forever be grateful for Kurusu getting Shido off his ass.

“Why don’t you get your GED?”

“I’m thirty, Kurusu,” reminded Goro. “Speaking of which...How old are you?”

“Twenty-eight. My birthday is in January. You’re acting like you’re a senior-citizen, Akechi, thirty isn’t old. I’m sure there’s as old as ninety go and get their GED.”

Goro shot a half-hearted glare from across the glare. Kurusu continued staring him down unflinchingly. “It’s fucking embarassing.”

Kurusu huffed. “You’re so stubborn. You’re acting like you have one leg in the grave, as if you’re a dead man walking.” Mischief twinkled in Kurusu’s eyes. “Are you a dead man, Akechi? Are you merely part of my guilty subconscious! Oh no, you must be a ghost!”

Goro rolled his eyes. “Quit playing around.”

Kurusu’s eyes widened comically, looking around. “Where’d you go, Akechi! You pesky ghost!”

Goro couldn’t help the small chuckle that left his mouth. “Ooooo,” Goro raised his eyebrows, imitating ghost sounds. “Are you spooked?”

“Very,” nodded Kurusu. “Why don’t you at least pick up a new hobby or something?”

“Well my last hobbies included--” Goro held up three fingers, putting one down as he listed. “Cycling, bouldering, and oh, yes, murder.”

Kurusu clapped his hands together. “Why don’t you do cycling and bouldering anymore!”

“I bike to work, which is enough for me,” explained Goro. “I have no interest in bouldering anymore.”

“You should at least try new things,” said Kurusu, narrowing his eyes and pointing his fork accusingly at Goro. “It’s like you want to stay lonely and depressed.”

The accusation shot right through Goro, hitting a little too close to home. Kurusu wasn’t entirely wrong. It was part of Goro’s shitty, guilty subconscious in which he can’t find the motivation to do anything and he doesn’t believe he deserves a happy life. It's just not something he can see happening. Even if he did want a happy life, he couldn’t if he considered all of the sins weighing himself down. Him living itself is a sin, it’d be another thing if he lived happily. Goro aggressively took a sip of his coffee, gripping tightly on the mug and setting it down a little too harshly. He came to terms long ago, back when he was planning his revenge, that nothing was ever going to make him happy.

“Your silence only condemns you,” hummed Kurusu. He leaned forward, giving Goro a sweet, genuine smile that you’d give a toddler while trying to convince them to eat their vegetables. “I’m serious. Whatever you want to try, I’ll do it with you. Like a pottery class or something! Who knows, you could be like Yusuke and be super, uber talented with art. You could make money from that.”

“I have no interest in pottery,” sniffed Goro.

Kurusu threw his hands in the air, leaning back. “You don’t agree to anything! C’mon, Goro, is there anything you’re interested in? I won’t even do it with you if you don’t want me to. Anything you want, I’ll help you out or just simply support you.”

Goro put his hands in his lap, gripping tightly onto his tweed pants. His fingertips turned white. “I-” He took a deep breath. “There’s that genuineness again.”

“I’m always genuine with you. I always have been.”

Goro sighed. “I guess- I- Well, I-” he racked his mind. “I wanted to be a policeman when I was younger. Heroes and justice and all of that crap, but I guess I also always wanted to be a writer?”

Kurusu’s eyes twinkled. “Now there’s something! Write about what?”

“Heroes and justice and all of that crap.”

Kurusu nodded approvingly. “Then you can start there. Why don’t you start writing a little everyday? It doesn’t even have to be ‘heroes and justice and all of that crap.’ It can just be whatever you want!” Kurusu stood up, gathering their empty plates and cups. “Writing can be very therapeutic. So are cats. Too bad Morgana isn’t around right now.”

Goro stood up. “Where is that fleabag?” He went up behind Kurusu who began washing. “Let me do that.”

“No I got it.”

Goro shrugged, sitting back down, not putting up a fight. “Okay well if you insist.”

Kurusu gave him a playful glare. “Morgana knew you were coming over so he’s running around town. Get over here, I want you busy. Busy means thoughts and when you think--” Kurusu tapped Goro’s forehead with a wet, soapy finger. “It’s dangerous.”

Goro wanted to argue, but he couldn’t come up with everything so he simply grabbed a towel silently and dried.

It was a relaxing silence, but Kurusu couldn’t apparently handle it for long because when Goro dried the final dish Kurusu flicked water into Goro’s face. Goro blinked in surprise, staring at the mischievous grin of Kurusu who filled his hand up with dish soap bubbles and blew them all onto Goro.

Goro looked down at his damp shirt in surprise, his immediate reaction to yell but he took a deep breath and returned the smirk, reaching over to the sink and splashing the water onto Kurusu. Kurusu let out a surprised laugh, reaching for the dishsoap and creating more suds. Goro followed his lead, creating a fuckton of bubbles and wiping it all over Kurusu, running his hands through his hair. (That had gel in it to push it back, Goro silently noted.)

Kurusu fucking giggled and began rubbing the dishsoap suds into Goro’s hair in return as they sat there rubbing soap and splashing water onto each other. Goro pulled away with a little yelp and took a step back.

They continued like that, laughing and splashing each other with the suds and water, ignoring the huge mess they made on Kurusu’s tile and counter and surprised neither of them had fallen. Kurusu grabbed a cup, filling it and holding it threateningly. Goro’s eyes widened and scrambled to get away. Kurusu tried to hurry after him before he slipped on the ground and fell with a loud groan, the plastic cup flying out of his hands and spilling all over Goro’s pants and feet. He shrieked and took another step back.

Kurusu winced, looking up at Goro. Once Goro realized he was alright, he couldn’t hold back the loud rambunctious laughter that overtook him. He didn’t know why he found the sight of a soaked Kurusu with suds in his hair falling over so appealingly funny, but he welcomed the laughter bubbling up in his tummy up through his chest and spilling from his mouth. He knelt over, holding onto his cramping stomach. He hasn’t laughed in years, so to have this sudden laughter shaking him he began to ache. His cheeks hurt from the smiling and before he knew it Kurusu also fell into shaking laughter. Kurusu lightly tugged Goro to the ground so they were both sitting on Kurusu’s wet tile, sharing their giggles.

Finally their laughter subsided, the two men suddenly exhausted after laughing and playing like children. Goro flushed at the sight of a soaked Kurusu with red cheeks and panting to catch his breath. Goro tucked a damp strand of his own hair behind his ear and looked away. “We made a mess,” he sighed.

Kurusu didn’t comment on his mess and instead sneakily said, “I told you thirty isn’t too old.”

“Thank you for letting me use your shower and borrow your clothes,” said Goro when he emerged from Kurusu’s bathroom, rubbing his hair with a towel. His hair was thick--it took forever to dry.

Kurusu was mopping the floor, looking up and breaking into another one of his genuine smiles. Goro noted to himself that Kurusu smiled a lot more now than he used to, however still had the bit of shyness to himself that always was charming to Goro. “Yeah, no problem.” He looked Goro up and down. “You’ve gotten a bit taller, so sorry they’re a bit short.”

Goro puffed out his chest at the non-intended compliment. He had reached 6 foot while Kurusu was still hovering around 5”9. He looked down at his sweatpants that were slightly above his ankles, but everything his shirt was a bit big on him. Kurusu was always a bit stockier than him. “Well thank you anyway.”

“I’m about done cleaning, so I’m going to shower, too. Will….You are going to spend the night, right?”

Goro flushed, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away. “It’s a Friday night, and I, uh, have nothing better to do so I guess.”

Kurusu squeezed Goro’s shoulder as he walked past him to enter his bathroom. “Awesome. Just give me ten minutes or so and I can find us a movie or something to watch.”

Goro watched Kurusu disappear into the bathroom before sighing and shuffling into Kurusu’s living room. He looked at the window, noticing how it was now completely dark. He put his towel around his shoulders and plopped down onto Kurusu’s couch and looked around.

It was modern looking. Kurusu may not be rich, but it was apparent he made a lot more money than Goro did. The TV was large, the couch didn’t have holes in it, and there wasn’t neighbors fucking next door. Goro reached for the blanket and wrapped it around himself.

He sat there, disassociating for a good minute until Kurusu tapping him on his shoulder and knocking him back to reality. He looked over at a shirtless Kurusu, whose eyes were crinkled in amusement. “Comfy?”

Goro turned back to face the turned off TV. “Yeah.”

Kurusu huffed with a small laugh and threw himself over the back of the couch and landed right next to Goro. Goro gave him a glare out of the corner of his eye, but simply nestled further into the blanket.

Kurusu turned on the TV, Goro closing his eyes and breathing in Kurusu’s scent. It was clean. Just a pure scent of soap. Goro was happy that Kurusu didn’t use 3 in 1 or 2 in 1 shampoo, or else he’d have to leave prematurely. Soon, there was a guitar playing and a familiar song playing throughout the house. Goro’s eyes shot open.

The featherman theme. Not the new shit, no, the shit Goro watched back in high school. He flushed bright red. How did Kurusu possibly know? Did he know back in high school? If so, how could he possibly remember that?

Goro looked over at Kurusu who was staring right back at him with a shit eating grin. “Is this still your favorite show?”

“The old is better than the new,” is all Goro said as he turned back to the TV.

Kurusu yanked at the blanket Goro had draped around him. “Don’t hog. I’m too lazy to get the other blankets from my closet. It’s big enough for two people”

Goro only let him pull a bit off of him.

“Don’t be shy--” Kurusu grunted as he yanked the blanket from underneath Goro, as he was sitting on it partially. “Put some more.”

Goro snorted at the reference, mentally noting that twenty-eight year old Kurusu watched tiktoks and focused on the episode that was beginning. Kurusu wrapped his side of the blanket around him and scooted a bit closer to Goro. Goro was way too hyper aware of Kurusu’s body hovering right next to him, not close enough to touch but close enough to where Goro could feel his body heat.

Goro wanted to not enjoy this. He wanted to be miserable. Hate his time spent with Kurusu. Dread every moment of this so he just had an excuse to not stay the night, go home, and then live the rest of his life miserably where he’d either A) end up shooting himself or B) end up dead in a lake or some shit somewhere.

Goro took a deep, shaky breath and focused on the show. A warmth filled him. Not the same kind of warmth as when Akira gave him a genuine smile, no that kind of warmth felt like relief. This warmth felt the same as waking up and smelling pancakes on his fifth birthday. This was the same kind of warmth as being pulled into a hug. This was the warmth of a home. The warmth of belonging somewhere.

Goro blinked rapidly, his chest constricting and his throat tightening as if he wanted to cry. He hasn’t cried in years either. It’s been a long time since he’s properly emoted something besides mild annoyance, anxiousness, or dread. He rubbed at his eyes, feeling Kurusu’s eyes train on him and he leaned back. He closed his eyes and calmly exhaled.

It was dark and Goro’s back didn’t hurt. His back always hurt when he woke up. He shifted, looking around. He was still on Kurusu’s couch, but he was laid out so he was asleep on a pillow and tucked into a blanket. His cheeks warmed up at the fact Kurusu laid him out and tucked him in, feeling oddly like a child who was just put to bed by their parent.

The only light was from the moon’s light that illuminated the decorative drawers in front of the windows and the TV’s colorful light from the silent featherman episode. It seems Kurusu didn’t turn it off, simply kept it silent instead. Goro smiled at the familiar episode. It was an episode he’s seen numerous times. He shifted onto his side, watching the silent episode. A wave of nostalgia hit him. He remembered being seven and waking up in the middle of the night to featherman playing.

It was almost comical how childish Goro felt lately, despite being a thirty year old man. Goro kicked the blanket off, the summer heat warming him up too much for his liking and sat up. He looked around and tried to swallow, but his throat was incredibly dry. Quietly, he swung his legs over and rose from the couch.

Goro put his hands out in front of him as he maneuvered around Kurusu’s home until he was in the kitchen. Green letters above the oven were a stark contrast to the rest of the pitch blackness, however they offered no real lighting and instead the time: **3:12 A.M.**

He groped the area until he felt a fridge handle and swung it open. The fridge hummed, the light flickering open. He analyzed it, frowning when Kurusu didn’t have bottled water. He was about to close it, going to rummage through his cupboards to find a cup when a soft voice interrupted him.

“What are you doing up?”

Goro turned around. It was fucking Morgana. He rubbed at his face before pushing his hair out of his face. It’s been a while since he’s seen a talking cat, albeit it’s the same fleabag since last time. Goro was never a huge animal fan, for they never liked him but he did like dogs. Corgis were particularly adorable. “I was thirsty. Is that a crime?”

Morgana hopped onto the counter, leaning off the edge with his nose pointed at Goro. “No.” His tail swished. “It’s been a while, Akechi.”

“Yeah…” Goro trailed off, slowly closing the fridge and flicking the lights that overlooked the stove so he had some sort of light as he rummaged through Kurusu’s kitchen. He felt a little naughty looking through Kurusu’s things, but it’s just his kitchen.

“Akira hasn’t told me anything, though, just that you’re alive and you live only a couple minutes away,” reassured the cat. “Whenever I ask anything he just tells me to ask you if I wanted to know so badly.”

Goro cleared his throat, grabbing a cup and filling it with fridge water. He gratefully began drinking, his throat not as dry and sore. He sighed through his nose. “What do you want to know?”

“How you lived, for starters?”

“Well, I’m sorry but I don’t know either. Sorry.”

Morgana sighed. “Normally I wouldn’t believe you, but I have a feeling it’s the truth. The metaverse was always a confusing thing. Even after it’s disappeared it never stops with its alien unfamiliarity.”

Goro raised his cup in a mock toast. “Cheers to that,” he mumbled sarcastically before chugging the remains of it and gingerly setting it in the sink. “I’m going to sleep. I’m exhausted. You can ask me more in the morning.”

“Okay.” The cat hopped down from the counter, walking around Goro’s legs in a figure-eight before padding silently down the hall. “Good night. It’s good to see you alive and seemingly healthy.”

Goro watched the cat disappear down the hall, a wave of irritation swirling through him. He never liked that damn cat. He flicked the light off and blindly bumbled down the hall to go back to sleep. He wasn’t lying when he said he was exhausted, but when is he not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a tumblr so if u want to talk to me pleaseeee do im always in search of new friends especially ones who like persona!!!  
> @a-failed-exorcism  
> https://a-failed-exorcism.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

“Do you want to cook breakfast with me?” Asked Kurusu the following morning when Goro wandered into the kitchen.

There was a slight chill and Goro wanted to go back and fetch his blanket. Kurusu must keep the AC cranked up. Lucky for him to be able to afford that bill. Goro crossed his arms and leaned against the counters, looking towards the time and seeing he slept in until a quarter till ten. “What do you plan on making?”

Kurusu thought for a moment, his eyes fluttering closed. His hands were braced behind him against the marble countertop, fingers manicured. Goro almost longed for the days where everything about himself was perfectly manicured and beautiful. Kurusu’s eyes shot open and he smiled languidly. “Curry?”

Goro’s face made a moue, expression borderline pallid.

Kurusu chuckled, his pale hand waving him off. Goro never noticed how long and skinny his fingers were, they were almost porcelain; never in his thirty years of living would he think he’d refer to another grown man as porcelain but Goro also never thought he’d be casually talking about breakfast with a man he tried to murder numerous times.

“No: don’t worry, I won’t make curry again.” Kurusu hummed, turning his back to rummage through his cupboards. “What food do you like?”

“I don’t really care what we eat. I’m not too terribly picky.” Goro scrunched up his nose. “Except for boiled eggs--I do like scrambled and benedict--the smell makes me sick to my stomach. Say, where is Morgana?”

Kurusu shrugged. “I never know where he is, to be honest. How do you feel about pancakes?”

Goro just agreed, hoping that pancakes aren’t too terribly hard to make. He was never one for the kitchen. Thirty years old and can’t cook. Goro sighed. What a waste. He watched with mild interest of Kurusu poking through his pantry, taking a step back and looking up with a small frown.

Fidgeting and growing impatient at Kurusu standing there and staring, Goro spoke up, “What’s the problem?”

Kurusu looked back at him, a hint of blush on his cheeks. “Flour is on the top shelf.”

Goro wanted to cackle. Instead he smiled almost cruelly and rustled Kurusu’s hair--the action surprised the both of them as Goro is not one to initiate physical affection, but maybe the decent night’s sleep affected him. Even though he woke up once, he slept more soundly than he’s ever had before. It was a very welcoming change. Goro looked up, eyes locking in on the flour.

“I was always a bit bitter at the fact you were a tad bit taller than me,” admitted Kurusu as he leaned back against the pantry door and watched Goro reach up to pick the flour off the shelf. “I haven’t grown at all since high school and now--” Goro handed him the mix; “--thank you--and now you’ve sprouted. How tall are you?”

Goro’s eyes twinkled. “And I was always happy to have that one inch on you.” Goro took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for his slight admissions. He’s been constantly in humiliation in Kurusu, might as well try to communicate with the man for fuck’s sake. “I always thought you were better than me, even though I know that’s simply not true.” Kurusu stuck his tongue out. “So it’s good to hear I still have that on you. I’m 6”1 I believe.”

Kurusu whistled. “I bet the ladies are all over you.”

Goro grimaced. He knew he was attractive. It was no secret, there was no other way he’d be such a hit as a detective otherwise. Women loved Goro, both older and younger. But Goro was never a huge fan of women. Of course he held respect for Sae and reluctantly her little sister, even Sakura, Okumura, Takamaki, and Goro’s own mother. On any other standpoint besides respect for the few intelligent ones he knows, he can’t say he necessarily loves women back. He never gave any thought to romance at all.

This isn’t to say he’s a homosexual. Nor does he care if anybody is homosexual. Goro never had a high libido and never indulged in things such as porn or magazines. He can’t even remember the last time he touched himself. Goro couldn’t put his finger on it on why he held this slight aversion to women. He was no sexist, he believed they were just as capable as him but he could almost say he was _scared_ of them.

Ah. That’s it. Goro is scared of women. What a joke.

Goro didn’t realize he was spaced out in his own thoughts until he noticed Kurusu staring at him with raised eyebrows. “I was thinking. Yes. Women do love me.” He smirked. “Are you jealous?”

Kurusu let out a surprised bark of laughter. “Jealous? Of women being all over you? No.” Kurusu shyly fiddled with a strand of his hair, a habit Goro remembered fondly back in the past. “I uh...I guess I’m mostly jealous of your...uh...height?”

There’s that sudden shy streak again. Goro couldn’t comprehend how Kurusu could go from playful, confident, and almost downright obnoxious to a shy boy. It was almost amusing. He stayed silent, waiting for Kurusu to continue.

“And uh, I never really gave any thought to romance, to uh, to be honest.” Kurusu flushed. “Women like me too...But so do men.”

“Men?” echoed Goro. He laughed awkwardly. “In what way?”

Kurusu looked away. “The same way women do.”

Goro crossed his arms. “I never took you for…” Goro trailed off. He didn’t want to say gay. No. That’s just rude. Like he mentioned beforehand, he had no problem with gay people but it just surprised him.

“I- I’m not!” Kurusu’s eyes widened comically. “I mean..I uh, I am?”

“What are you then? Spit it out.”

“I’m uh...I do like men. I like women too. I just care more what’s on the inside,” mumbled Kurusu.

Goro hummed. “I see.” Kurusu looked at him almost fearfully. “I honestly couldn’t give less of a shit or a flying fuck. Can we make the pancakes now? It’s too early for this coming out garbage.”

Kurusu gaped at him before nodding and clasping his hands together. “Have you ever made pancakes before?”

“No.”

“Uh, but you of course know the basics, right?”

“...No.”

“Really?”

Goro felt his anger bubble up. “Don’t look at me like that you piece of shit!”

Kurusu raised his palms in mock surrender. “I’m just surprised. Aren’t pancakes your favorite food?”

Goro flushed. “...Let’s just start.”

Kurusu smiled. “Maybe you’ll learn to like making pancakes and we can start cooking together! This can be a new hobby of yours.” Kurusu bumped his hip into Goro, nearly toppling him over. “Can you get the eggs and milk from the fridge?”

Goro got the designated items, Kurusu grabbing the rest of the ingredients and placing them on his countertop island, hands on his hips and looking over at Goro with an excited expression. “You can manage stirring, right?”

Goro grit his teeth. “Of course I can, you condescending prick.”

“I’m not trying to be condescending,” protested Kurusu. “Can you beat the eggs, milk, and oil with the flour in a medium bowl?”

“What the fuck is a medium bowl?”

Kurusu cupped his hands, bringing them upwards to shape out an imaginary bowl. “Ah uh...Not a small or big bowl?”

Goro rolled his eyes. “Yes, Yes I can.” He rummaged through his cupboard before finding a bowl that looked “medium” enough and began cracking the eggs and stirring.

Kurusu peered over Goro’s shoulder, his face right next to Goro’s cheek. He shuddered, but paid Kurusu no mind. “This is our mix. After this, all we have to do is pour it on the pan. I can do that.” His breath was hot on Goro’s ear.

He leaned away slightly, continuing to mix until Kurusu placed a hand on Goro’s bicep and squeezed lightly. “That’s good enough, thanks.” Kurusu picked up the bowl, Goro stepping out of the way to watch Kurusu ladle the batter onto a skillet.

They stood there in a silence, Goro watched Kurusu watching the pancakes. He felt bad for enjoying himself. He was having leisurely conversations. Speaking about dinner and breakfast. Going as far as Kurusu coming out to him. Goro ran a hand through his hair, examining a strand. It was getting a bit long. He hadn’t planned on going and getting it trimmed because he was planning to kill himself just a couple weeks ago.

Funny how things change so quickly. Goro crossed his legs and arms, suddenly becoming aware of how he was still wearing Kurusu’s clothes. He’ll ask for them back after breakfast. Kurusu flipped the pancakes over, the smell wafting through the air.

Goro’s stomach growled and he just realized how hungry he was. It was odd. He almost never had an appetite but as soon as he’s eating with Kurusu his appetite hit him full swing. Goro held back the chuckle that bubbled in the back of his throat. Kurusu really did bring out the most random things in him.

Kurusu began shoveling pancakes onto plates, looking over his shoulder at Goro. “Care to get the butter and syrup from the fridge.”

Goro silently complied as Kurusu set the plates on the table, doing the same as last night as pulling out Goro’s chair before sitting himself down.

“Why do you do that?” Asked Goro as he sat down after he set the syrup and butter down.

“Hm?” Kurusu immediately began pouring a little too much syrup on the pancakes.

“Pull out my chair. I’m not a woman.” Goro narrowed his eyes. “Or helpless.”

Kurusu cut his pancakes into pieces messily. “I never once ever thought you’re helpless.” Kurusu chewed, tilting his head. “These are quite good. Now you know how to make pancakes.”

Goro finally began putting butter and syrup on his, excited to dig in like some sort of toddler. He’s not a huge fan of sweet things, but he did enjoy cake and most certainly pancakes. “So why pull out my chair? I’m not a woman, promise. I thought with the cut hair the confusion would fade,” chuckled Goro.

“It’s getting a bit long though,” pointed out Kurusu. “I don’t think you’re a woman either. You’d make a very beautiful woman though.”

“You’re so stupid.”

“I do it for everybody. Even for Ryuji.”

“I can’t find myself thinking that Ryuji enjoys that.”

“He didn’t at first,” agreed Kurusu.

“He learnt to deal then, hmm?”

“No. He turned it into a competition, to see who can pull each other’s chair out first.”

Goro squinted his eyes, lip curling up as he stared at Kurusu in confusion. He always yearned to have Kurusu as a proper rival, but it’s another thing to compete with somebody over that. “That’s so fucking stupid. Perfectly suits you and Sakamoto.”

Kurusu hummed. “I guess it is.”

They finished their meal, Goro’s stomach feeling warm and his cheeks flushed. Even after they finished, they continued talking. Goro knew he was talkative, back in high school Goro usually being the one to fill the silence. Now it seemed Kurusu was talking a tad bit more than usual, so their conversations went on forever.

When they hit a patch of silence, Goro ever the oversharer blurted out, “I planned to kill myself the day we met.”

Kurusu’s expression didn’t change. It wasn’t filled with pity. His lip didn’t curl in disgust. None of it. He simply stared at Goro like he was just talking about the weather. Goro continued on, almost frustrated Kurusu had no reaction even though he knew he’d react more violently if he did show pity or frustration.

“Didn’t you hear me?” sneered Goro. In his mind he was screaming to stop oversharing. It was almost embarrassing how he rattled on sometimes, boring and annoying and frustrating the other person. He couldn’t bring himself to care when it was Kurusu. The mask he wears constantly was breaking every year and it was only held together by tape and glue at this point. It was near shattered and borderline fell off. “I planned to kill myself. I still think about it. Every goddamn second.”

“I heard you,” softly said Kurusu.

Goro pointed his fingers, creating a gun and mimed shooting himself. “Pchow!” He stared blankly at Kurusu. “I even think about it when we talk.”

Kurusu tilted his head. “Not that I mind you being open with me but,” his gaze shifted. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“And here you are, psychoanalyzing me again.”

“No, Goro--”

Goro snarled at the name.

“--I just want to understand you. Honest.” Kurusu looked almost sad for a second. Pleading. “Everytime we have a good time you always end off going on some tangent or snarking off. It’s like...It’s almost like you don’t want to be happy.”

Goro froze.

“I know I’m right,” quietly said Kurusu. The former eye contact and nonchalance he held disappeared and he was staring at his hands folded in his lap. “I know what it’s like to think you don’t deserve happiness. I know far too well. But you do Goro,” Kurusu’s gaze snapped up, making sharp eye contact. “You deserve happiness. I don’t think you realize how much I cherish you and...and seeing you come back. When I saw you again, I admit I didn’t know what to feel. I was angry. I was scared. I- I was upset. But you want to know what I felt the most? Relief. I felt so much relief. You were alive. You are alive. You’re not a good person.”

“Well shit, anybody could’ve told me that.”

“Let me finish. You’re not a good person...But I don’t think you’re a bad person either. You were just some damaged child who is still damaged today in their adulthood. I’m not saying this excuses your behavior, quite frankly, you’re a bastard and sometimes get on my nerves but I hope you believe me when I say you still deserve to be well.” Kurusu smiled, it was small and bittersweet. “Your eyebags have faded. That makes me happy. You deserve a good night’s rest. I know far too well about...self destructive behaviors. Feeling like you don’t matter or- or that you don’t deserve anything good. It’s okay, though. I’m not trying to just- just magically cure you. I'm trying to not lose you again, because believing somebody dead for twelve years really takes a mental toll on you!” Kurusu had ended up standing, leaning forward and palms splayed out on the table.

Goro sat there in shock. It was unexpected. He didn’t even know to respond. “You called me Goro,” is all he whispered.

Kurusu flushed red, seemingly embarrassed by his random tangent. “You uh- you can call me Akira?”

“May I have my clothes back?”

“...You didn’t notice.” Kurusu pointed towards the living room. “They’re on the armchair.”

Goro abruptly stood up, going to retrieve his clothes. “Thanks for washing them. I’m going to wash them and leave. Thanks for the hospitality.”

“Oh, oh no. We’re not doing this whole thing where you suddenly distance yourself because I’m right--”

Goro whirled on him. “I know you’re fucking right!” Goro yanked at his hair, strands coming out. “But try to imagine how I fucking feel! I tried to kill you, Kurusu. I don’t have any right to have you lecture me on happiness, feeding me, letting me call you by your first name.” Goro took a deep breath. “You’re beyond my comprehension. You’re...You’re too good for me...And...Just can I please go home and think?”

“...Don’t think too much. I won’t force you to talk to me. That isn’t right. Just please stay safe.”

Strangely, although Goro felt incredibly guilty about it, as soon as he arrived home he felt at peace. He felt like he could start _writing_. Goro didn’t know what to write exactly, but it was strange enough he was filled with the courage to write. Kurusu said he'd let him think. Think. Think about what? It's just what Goro said on instinct. Was he truly and actually going to think about anything? Well, he supposes he's thinking right now at this moment. Goro looked out the window, sun rays drifting in and illuminating his home without any artificial light. Goro reached to shut his curtains. He did that without thinking. So what did he actually mean by thinking? He marched into his room, seeing how disgustingly messy it was.

So he truly is going insane. Goro wanted to scream and rip out his hair, but he wasn't going to risk a noise complaint despite his neighbors--

_“Oh! Oooh!”_

Goro wanted to bang his head against the wall. Speak of the devil. He scowled, reaching forward and banging against the wall. The moans suddenly went quiet. Goro smirked. They most likely weren't expecting that at all.

Pillows were on the floor and blankets scattered--Goro was never good at laying still in his sleep, constantly moving and jittering around. Perhaps it was an effect from his constant anxiety or even the lasting memories from the metaverse haunting him. He hadn't even realized he'd picked up one of the pillows and squeezed them until he broke away from his thoughts.

He's tended to do that a lot lately.

The pillow was soft, barely making a noise as Goro threw it back onto the ground. He rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't know what to do now. What did he do before he met Kurusu? Sit around and complain about his life while examining a gun?

Ah. That is what he did.

Goro began pacing; perhaps he should apologize? Goro shook his head. That wouldn't solve anything. It'd just be him running away again!

_“Oh! Fuck! Fuck me! Harder!”_

Anger surgeries through Goro and before he could stop himself he brought his fists on the wall and began banging. “Shut the fuck up or I swear to god I'll fucking kill you!”

They went quiet. Goro sighed of relief, somewhat proud of himself. That'll definitely shut them up. Goro walked over to his bookshelf, perusing through his books. Maybe he'll just read. He's in a strangely euphoric mood. Bah! It'll go away in a moment, but it's better than his constant anger. Silly him to believe running into Kurusu again would solve all of his problems.

_Ding dong!_

Goro started. Who was at his door? Goro straightened his back and scurried over to the door, not even bothering to look open the peephole.

Stood there was a woman in small shorts and a tank top who looked very, very angry. Goro stared at her. He was taller than the woman, but the woman looked very, very muscular. “You said you were gonna fucking kill me, huh?” she snarled.

Goro jaw dropped open slightly, lips forming an ‘O.’ “Only if you didn't shut up,” he corrected cheerfully. “And you did, so congratulations!”

The woman cracked her knuckles. “You still threatened me and my fucking wife!”

“wife?”

“Oh, you got a fucking problem with that too, huh?”

“I don’t give a shit who you're fucking--” though Goro was wondering when everybody was suddenly _gay._ “--as long as you stay fucking quiet and leave me the fuck alone.”

The woman seemed ready to attack, Goro bracing himself instinctually. He hasn't fought and killed for years but he's ready if--

“Honey!” A voice stammered.

The angry woman turned her head. Another woman scurried up, tugging at the woman's arm. “Please don’t start anything...It's my fault,” she whispered.

The angry woman looked over at Goro, who was standing there blankly. He changed his mind about the semi-good mood he was in after getting a good lecture from Kurusu and getting ready to write. This was ruining any decency he had left in his life.

“But he threatened us--”

“For good reason!” The smaller woman flushed. “For a very, very good reason. Don't yell at him, he probably didn't even mean it. We all say things when we're mad.”

The angry woman sighed, rubbing at her temples. “Okay. Whatever.” She looked at Goro. “Threaten me again and your ass is grass.”

Goro opened his mouth to retort, commenting on how stupid the man was but the smaller man interjected. “I know! Would you like some tea? You're our neighbor and this is how we met!”

Goro sighed. Guess he’ll have to plaster on the mask and charm. He shook his head, lips curling into a faux smile. “My apologies for being so aggressive. My...friend and I got into a fight so I was quite irritable.” Goro took a step forward, almost wedging himself between the couple and shutting the door behind him. “Of course I'll join you for tea. Lead the way.”

The smaller woman beamed. “You have such better manners than Misaki!”

Goro mentally noted that must be the angry wife as the couple let Goro into their home.

It was much shabbier than Goro’s own home, but it seemed much more homey. The smaller woman ushered Goro into their kitchen as she immediately started up the kettle. The angry wife, Misaki, grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and marched onto the balcony without another word.

“I’m very sorry about her,” the smaller woman sighed. “She’s a firecracker.”

Goro thought about himself. If he was having sex and somebody banged on the wall, he’d probably just start moaning louder. For some reason he then thought of Kurusu. Kurusu would probably yell apologies through the wall and then proceed to make jokes.

“We all know one,” is all Goro replied with.

The smaller woman jolted. “I’m so sorry! My name is Kiersten.”

Goro tilted his head, eyes squinting at her. That explained her blonde hair and blue eyes. “Are you American?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding. “I came here to work as an English teacher.”

“And your wife is Japanese?”

“Yup!” The woman sat at the beat up chair across from Goro, head resting in the palm of her hand. “Misaki is a very kind person, but she hasn’t been able to find any work. Because of that, we’re living here.”

Goro frowned. He felt a little bad. “Did you two get married somewhere else?”

“We got married in America,” answered Kiersten. “You never gave me your name.”

“Oh. Right. My apologies...My name is Goro Akechi.”

Kiersten leaned closer, eyes squinting as if she was analyzing him. Goro stared back at her, blinking slowly. Kiersten fell back, snapping her fingers. “I know who you are!”

Goro froze. “Oh, you must be mistaken, I’ve never seen you before--”

“You’re that detective!”

Goro waved his hands. “Oh no! You must be mistaken. I work at a store in the mall.” He tried to change the subject. “Your Japanese is very good!”

“Hey don’t change the subject! You’re the detective prince who was on TV all those years ago.” Kiersten cupped her hands. “Misaki dear!”

No response.

She shrieked, “Mis-a-kiiiiiii!”

Misaki threw the balcony doors open, cigarette hanging from her mouth. “Whaddya what?” She looked at the situation. “Is the tea done?”

The kettle screeched. “Now it is!”

Kiersten began bustling around to get cups and to pour the tea as Misaki shut the door behind her and sat next to Goro.

Kiersten set the cups down and sat down, pointing at Goro. “Misaki, he’s Goro Akechi.”

Misaki jolted, eyebrows shooting up looking at Goro. “Oh shit! You are. Huh. I thought you were dead or something?”

Goro laughed nervously. “More or less.”

Her eyebrow quirked, sparing a glance at Kiersten who was sipping away at her tea. Misaki glanced back at Goro. “I won’t get too much in your business, Mr. Detective, ya must have got some reason.”

Goro internally let out a sigh of relief, slowly reaching for the tea and nursing it in his hands. He really didn’t want to drink it and almost had half the mind of abandoning it and leaving. He really didn’t want to sit here and talk to these two women.

As if she was reading his mind, Kiersten softly set down the cup and pursed her lips. “I’m sorry to drag you over here, I know you must have better things to do and rather not be here with us; however, your eyes were sad. They made me sad. Sadness is no good, and I have no room for it here, as it’s one of the most dreadful emotions.” She took another sip, eyes fluttering closed. “Tell me, Akechi, what is it that’s troubling you? Take a sip of tea. You’ll relax. I insist. Please.”

Goro looked between the two women uncomfortably, gaze lingering especially long on the American woman. Just who is she? She’s even worse than Kurusu! He imagined smashing the cup to the ground, it shattering into pieces and using a shard of glass to stab Kiersten’s face, slitting that pretty mouth of hers that wouldn’t shut up. The blood dripping into the drink, spoiling perfectly good tea.

He took a sip. It was good.

“I’m not sad,” he said, setting down the cup. “I was in a good mood earlier.” He silently left out the “until” even though it lingered in the air.

Kiersten shook her head. “You can still be sad and be in a good mood for the time being. Funny how emotions work that way, yes?”

Goro began shaking in his seat. He needed to get home, but Kurusu drifted through his mind. Kurusu would want him to stay and talk to these women. He gripped the edge of the table, bending his nails and fingers turning white. “I suppose,” he chuckled, “but I really do not understand what your point is right now.”

“Have you ever read Oscar Wilde’s works?”

Goro froze, eyebrows furrowing and staring at Kiersten curiously. “Ah...Yes, I have. I’m fluent in English. He wrote The Importance of Being Earnest, correct?” He took another sip of the tea. It warmed his belly.

“Yes, but have you read The Picture of Dorian Gray?”

“...Yes? What’s the point of this?”

“You understand the theme of it being full of aestheticism. Art for art’s sake. Hedonism too, but let’s not focus on that. I just feel like you’re an avid reader, and if I connect things for you it may help. Let’s take Basil Hallward, for example--”

“Ah yes. The one who died.”

“...Yes. The one who died. He had a whole ideal. Icon. A love. Romance. This urged him to work to create beautiful art--no matter whether it caused a man to sell his soul to live forever--”

“You’re going off topic,” piped in Misaki.

“My apologies.” Something in Kiersten’s expression sent a chill down Goro’s spine. She almost reminded him of himself. “You’re lost, aren’t you?”

“H- How the hell can you tell just by looking at me?”

Kiersten gave him a sad smile. “When I look in the mirror I see the same thing.”

Goro’s jaw fell open, his tongue flicking out to lick his dried out lips and was about to interject before Kiersten carried on: “Anyway! I believe that you need an ideal in your life. The Dorian Gray to your Basil Hallward, minus Henry and the whole stabbing thing. I’m not saying it’ll cure you, but it’ll most definitely give you something to live for. Create art, Akechi. It does wonders. Whether that’s painting or simply dancing in the middle of your living room. Art for art’s sake. Then, in turn that happiness and pleasure from creating art will bleed into other aspects of your life and you’ll be living for that ideal. It certainly helps. I found my own ideal.” Kiersten looked to Misaki with a sweet smile, Misaki’s face blowing bright red.

“Are you telling me to look for something such as love?” stammered Goro. “What kind of bullshit--”

“Oh! You’re done with your tea. Shall you have a refill?”

Goro looked at the woman in front of him in disbelief before abruptly standing up. “I uh, I think I’ve overstayed my welcome and it’s time for me to go home. Thank you for the words, but I’m awfully tired.”

“Oh! Yes, of course.” Kiersten tilted her head to Misaki. “Misaki dear, lead him to the door?”

Misaki made a gross sound in the back of her throat, almost sounding like she was hacking up a hairball and stood to her feet. She led Goro to the door wordlessly, allowing him to slip on his shoes and pushing him out the door. Goro stumbled out, glancing behind him to see the door already shut.

He rubbed at his arm where Misaki gripped onto and shuffled back to his home.

What weirdos.

That night, he contemplated everything he was said to by both strangers and familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow my tumblr and talk to me! always down for more friends:  
> @a-failed-exorcism


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some slight spoilers ig for akechi's confidant in p5r?? nothing really important though. 
> 
> omg im so sorry for two weeks without update im gonna be completely honest i wasnt busy with anything i was just playing royal AHHDHDHDH i deadass just finished the game like three hours ago and so i whipped this up.

For the next couple of days, writing came to Goro easily. His words were flowing. Ideas popped up. Perhaps a novel wasn't so out of reach as he thought. He'd have to thank Kurusu later once he's sucked his flow dry.

The story was almost an autobiography. It was set in a dystopia about a boy twisted into doing what the adults wanted, however he broke away to become a vigilante. Goro sighed, closing his laptop. It was less of an autobiography and more how he wished his life went. His fingers gripped tightly onto the edge of his desk. He wishes he regretted working alongside Shido, but he can't bring himself to.

Even if it left a trail of blood.

Goro looked down at his hands. Sometimes on particularly bad nights he can see the blood dripping, the dried red caked underneath his nails. On days like those he spends hours in the shower with a water bill he can't afford.

Goro stood up, pushing back his chair and stretching. He hasn't talked to Kurusu in a week, as the man respected his wishes but he almost wishes that Kurusu didn't pay no mind and just trucked ahead with his savior complex. Goro sighed. That's what young Kurusu would’ve done, but they're not exactly teenagers anymore. Goro fidgeted with the strings of his hoodie. His eyes kept trailing over to the phone charging on his bed.

He dove for it, quickly dialing up Kurusu’s phone number. He was lonely. He was bored. He was going crazy. The last interaction he had was with his psycho crazy lesbian neighbors. He missed Kurusu and it was only a week. How did he last a decade without him?

 _Riiing. Riing_.

“Please pick up,” whispered Goro.

_riiing. riii-_

“ _Hey there Akechi_ ,” greeted Kurusu.

Goro made a mental note Kurusu stopped calling him by his given name. “Hello Kurusu. We haven't spoken in a long time.”

Kurusu breathed. “ _Yeah...We haven’t._ ” A pause. A baited breath. “I missed you.”

Flushing at his forwardness, Goro scratched his head, climbing onto his bed fully and shifting into a sitting position. “I...I did too,” he admitted. “It was awfully boring. When I wasn't at work, I was writing. I met my neighbors.”

Goro did indeed work when he wasn't at Kurusu’s or writing, actually. What came as a shock to him because not only did Kurusu notice changes in him, but so did his coworkers. Behind the register, one of the ladies next to him elbowed him with a smirk and asked him if he got a girlfriend. Goro had laughed and shook it off, asking her why the hell she'd ask that. The girl then said he put on weight and his skin was glowing.

What in the actual fuck?

Kurusu hummed. “ _It's good you didn't isolate yourself_.”

“They forced me to have tea with them after I yelled at them for fucking too loud.”

Kurusu snorted. Goro was enchanted by the idea of Kurusu laughing at what Goro said. “ _Of course. I'm still glad you met them. You've been writing you said_?”

“Yes. I'll tell you all about it when I'm done with it.”

Kurusu groaned. “ _Ah you cocktease._ ”

Goro smacked his lips. “My apologies. It's good speaking to you again, Kurusu. Are you free right now?”

“Yes.” It was an immediate response. “ _Do you want to come over_?”

Goro shook his head. “How about we go somewhere?”

“ _Do you know anywhere to go?_ ”

“Hm...Have you eaten yet?”

“ _No, but I just thought of something better than going out for dinner_.”

“What?”

“ _There’s a fair...Do you wanna go tonight_?”

Goro looked at the time. It was 2:38 P.M. He can't think of the last time he was out and about in public for the fun of it. The last time he was waltzing around in public was that day.

Goro instinctively looked where his gun was locked up. Goro’s grip tightened on the phone. “Sure.”

 _“Come to my house and we can go together_.”

“What time?”

“ _Ah….5:30?_ ”

“Alright. I'll be there at 5.”

“ _Ha, of course.” Kurusu chuckled. “It's a date_.”

Goro sputtered, but Kurusu hung up. Well, he supposes he now has to get dressed out of unwashed sweatpants and brush out his hair.

Goro arrived at 5, just as he said. Kurusu opened the door before Goro could even knock, but he didn't comment on it. He looked at Kurusu and analyzed the stubble on his chin. Goro could never grow facial hair himself.

Kurusu was wearing a plain t-shirt with a maroon colored blazer and jeans, it was casual yet formal enough for it to be considered a date. Goro looked down at his simple short-sleeved button up and pants. The both of them having changed in that regard since high school--always strangely overdressed for the occasion.

“Ready for the fair my dear?” asked Kurusu.

Ignoring the nickname, Goro took his cheesy arm and linked themselves together. They walked to the festival together.

“It's rather hot outside,” commented Goro, eyeing Kurusu’s blazer. “Sure you won't be too warm?”

Kurusu rolled his eyes playfully, rolling up the sleeves. “Happy now?” he asked, faking exasperation.

Goro slapped his arm, but didn't say anything as he looked around. Obviously he's been to festivals and fairs and all those sorts before. He just hasn't gone in a very, very long time and it felt surreal. The sun was still out, despite it nearing six and it showed no signs of setting soon. People bustled around, visiting stands and playing games while music blared throughout the streets.

He honestly kind of hated it and immediately wanted to go home, however when he looked and saw Kurusu’s eyes sparkle he knew he just had to deal with this bullshit.

“What should we do first?” Kurusu asked.

Goro shrugged. He didn't really care for any of it. “How about we go eat?”

“How about some spicy takoyaki?” teased Kurusu.

Instantaneously Goro’s face erupted into flames, huffing and looking away. “Never bring that up again unless you want me to kill you in your sleep.”

Kurusu bumped their shoulders together. “C’mon. Let's go find some grub and then we can maybe play some games or something.”

Goro let Kurusu grab onto his hand, lacking no hesitance as he led him through the crowds. Every Time somebody bumped into him he wanted to whirl around and snarl in their face, but Kurusu somehow knew and always squeezed his hand.

Goro ordered grilled corn while Kurusu ordered himself a candied apple, denying his sweet tooth but Goro knew better.

Once again, Kurusu had grabbed onto Goro with their free hands and led him through the crowd until the people became scarcer. They sat down at a bench, not across from each other but instead next to each other. Their knees bumped together and Goro couldn't bring himself to pull away.

He looked down at their still intertwined hands and promptly looked away, biting into his corn as Kurusu crunched into his candy apple.

“Yo! Is that you Akira?”

Goro jolted, pulling his hand away from Kurusu as if it burned and looking to who the voice sounded to. He froze up, blood turning to ice as he saw three familiar people.

Takamaki, Kitagawa, and Sakamoto. Fuck.

Kurusu looked equally alarmed, glancing at Goro with widened eyes. Neither of them moved at all though. Goro sat there, giving up and hoping the three didn't remember or recognize him.

They all had obviously changed. Sakamoto’s hair was still short and he still dressed like an incompetent middle schooler, but his hair was dyed back to black. Kitagawa had small whiskers poking out of his chin and his hair was grown out into a ponytail. Takamaki was probably the one with the least amount of change. Slim body with long cascading blonde hair, except it was down and out of the pigtails.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing here?” asked Sakamoto.

It then hit Goro that Kurusu had said these three didn't live in the area. Kitagawa and Sakamoto were supposed to stay where they always had and Takamaki was supposed to be in the USA. Did he lie or was he simply mistaken?

Takamaki licked at her popsicle, looking down at Akira through her designer sunglasses. “You're never outside! What's happened? You could've told us you were going to the festival. We even invited you.”

Kurusu nervously laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “....yeah. Change of plans.”

Goro was taken aback. He hasn't seen Kurusu that quiet in a long time. He knew he was quiet around the others and back in the past, but he thought that'd change from how their banter seemed to bat back and forth.

“It truly has been a long time, Akira. A year since we last talked in person, yes?” said Kitagawa, messing with a loose strand of his hair. “It seems you even have company too. I didn't know you made a friend.”

Takamaki’s eyes widened. “Oh yeah. When was the last time you had a friend besides us, Morgana, or….him.”. Takamaki finished lamely and Goro’s curiosity spiked at whoever this person was.

He also relaxed that the three didn't seem to recognize him.

Kurusu stayed quiet, looking away so his gaze was fixated on Goro’s feet. Goro looked up and made direct eye contact with Sakamoto accidentally, whose eyes began to widen comically. “Hey, you look really familiar.”

Goro felt Kurusu stiffen beside him. Goro shook his head. “No. I’ve never seen you before in my life.”

Takamaki spared a glance at Kurusu. “Akira. He looks like…”

Kurusu stood up abruptly, pulling Goro up with him. “We have other things to do if you don't mind-”

Sakamoto and Kitagawa stepped in the way. Kitagawa towered over Goro, which was an odd experience considering Goro himself was rather tall. “No. Wait.” Kitagawa’s eyes narrowed. “You-”

Sakamoto gasped. “Are you Akechi?”

Goro took a step back, looking at Kurusu for help, who simply stared at the ground. It was disheartening seeing him so closed off. It made his mind wonder about what exactly happened during Goro’s absence.

“Well, look at that.” Goro analyzed his nails, as if he was bored but in reality he just wanted to either: A, smash in Sakamoto’s face because he’s so unbelievably obnoxious, or B, run out of there in hopes they’d forget they ever saw Goro. “You caught me.”

Sakamoto gaped, looking over to Takamaki and Kitagawa and then over at Kurusu in absolute disbelief. “Hah?”

Kurusu continued to stay quiet, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Another habit. Goro was dumbfounded. What caused such an odd switch in Kurusu’s behavior?

Takamaki looked like she was two seconds away from an aneurysm. “Akechi?!”

“No I’m not dead, yes I really am him, and no I don’t know how I survived.” Goro grabbed onto Kurusu’s hand. “Now, if you’ll excuse us we have a festival to attend to.”

This time, Goro did the leading through the crowd. They walked, Kurusu letting himself be dragged until they ended up towards a more peaceful area. Flowers and shrubs were everywhere with stone benches. You could still hear the distant music and the chatter of people, however it was more muted and if you strained you could hear the fwoosh of the fountain.

Goro pulled Kurusu to where they sat shoulder to shoulder on the stone bench. Goro crossed his legs, hand coming up to cradle his chin in a pose reminiscent of their old days. It was a habit that never truly left. He looked at Kurusu who refused to look at him. “So, care to tell me what parts you lied about? Or maybe there’s an explanation?”

Kurusu fiddled with his hands.

Goro huffed, standing up to throw away his half eaten grilled corn whilst Kurusu still loosely gripped onto his barely eaten candy apple. He stood in front of Kurusu with arms crossed. “Looks like our little Kurusu isn’t as perfect as he stated. Takamaki very well wasn’t in the states and they made it sound like you never leave the house. Should I assume you lied about your job as well?”

Kurusu’s gaze snapped up. ‘No! I am a social worker.”

“Hurry up and explain or I’m leaving.”

“I did lie.” Kurusu’s eyes held an emotion Goro couldn’t pinpoint--an emotion Goro had never seen decorate him before. “But...I just- I didn’t want you to- to know. I-”

Goro looked around. There was nobody around, but he still didn’t like the lack of privacy. “Let’s go. I’d rather not have this conversation in public.”

Kurusu looked panicked. “No! We don’t have to leave the fair.”

“I never said we were. Follow me.” Goro turned and began walking, knowing Kurusu would follow him whilst ignoring how cold his hand felt despite the heat without Kurusu’s firm grasp. He led them deeper into the gardens until the music was barely even heard. It almost felt like a crime holding a festival near such beautiful gardens. Goro turned, shoes tapping on the stone ground and sat down on the edge of a fountain.

Kurusu stood there awkwardly for a second before reluctantly sitting next to Goro, however without their bodies touching. Goro didn’t point it out and instead stayed silent.

Kurusu still held onto the damn candy apple.

“I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just didn’t want you to know what a mess I am.”

“How self-serving of you,” dryly commented Goro.

Kurusu dryly chuckled. “Yeah. I’m a lot more selfish than what most people believe.” He ducked his head. “I want people to believe I’m strong and selfless and a hero--even after the whole thievery thing. After you uh, died, and I went to jail, everything cracked.”

Goro looked away, analyzing a bee buzz around a flower. He didn’t care about Kurusu’s backstory, in all honesty. He didn’t give a shit about how selfish or self serving Kurusu is either. He only gave a shit he was lied to for a stupid reason. Goro was never good at emotions.

Kurusu carried on: “I lied about everybody living far away so I could have an excuse for them not hanging around. In reality, they all live here. Not Shibuya, or the United States, or whatever else I told you. Despite them living maybe ten minutes down the road, that’s probably the first time I’ve seen them in person in months. The only interaction I had with anything was work, when I’d actually show up, and Morgana. But Morgana usually went to Ann’s in his freetime. Her and Suzui love him.”

“To think the great leader I once believed was strong is actually quite weak.”

Kurusu didn’t even fire back like he normally would have. Goro now felt uncomfortable. “Yeah. Weak. You’re right.” Kurusu took a deep breath and finally looked at Goro. His eyes looked red and glossy, tears threatening to spill and Goro wanted to run away. He didn’t want to deal with a crying Kurusu. “Goro, your death ruined me more than anything else in this world.”

Goro stammered, “It’s been twelve years you shit!”

Kurusu ran his hands through his hair, a sharp intake of air between his teeth. “And it never got easier. I’m still affected to this day by the interrogation. Shooting fucking God in the face. My arrest. You dying.” Kurusu shook his head. “That’s not fixed by time.”

“And you say I need help.”

“Goro- I- what I’m saying is I couldn’t ever let myself get close to anybody again.” He fiddled with a hangnail. “I’m the reason you died. I could’ve saved you. We played darts together. You threw your damn glove at me. We played pool. We talked and bathed and listened to music together. That-” Kurusu swallowed. “This is hard for me to say. I haven’t talked to anybody as much as I do to you.”

“And I you.”

Kurusu wiped his eyes. “That’s a lie. You love to hear yourself talk.”

Goro chuckled.

“What I’m saying is we established a connection and after that I- I didn’t want to get close to anybody. If I couldn’t--” Kurusu’s voice cracked. “If I couldn’t have you, I didn’t want anybody else. Now that you’re back again, please forgive me for lying to you. Please don’t leave me alone again.”

Kurusu’s gaze was fixated on the ground, fiddling with his hands and tearing the skin from his lip between his teeth.

Goro looked away. Kurusu was pathetic right now, but the confession couldn’t help but take his breath away. He didn’t know what to think. He tried to kill Kurusu on multiple occasions, yet Kurusu basically gave him a declaration of love. Goro wanted to laugh. Goro announced declarations of war to Kurusu’s face, yet here he was receiving declarations of love. Whether it was romantic or platonic, Goro had no clue but obviously his absence had left a hole in Kurusu.

Goro’s heart fluttered. He didn’t want to say he didn’t feel the same way. He had always been infatuated with Kurusu. Even before Goro knew he was a phantom thief, Goro genuinely wanted to get to know Kurusu. He really did think he was intriguing. Goro’s dream was to have a formidable rival, and Kurusu was just that. Kurusu was a small solace in his life: past, present, and future it seems.

Taking a deep breath, the wind rustling his hair and cooling him down, Goro turned his focus away from his thoughts and the water falling from the fountain and looked at Kurusu once more. Kurusu was shaking.

“Well then,” began Goro. “Kurusu--I suppose I should call you Akira now--This has got to be one of your most pathetic and idiotic moments of your life.”

Akira looked up, mouth gaping. Tears were falling along with snot. He looked disgusting. Akira cleared his throat. “What?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself. This isn’t an appearance a rival of mine should have.” Goro took a handkerchief out of his pocket and began wiping at Akira’s face roughly. Akira scrunched his face up before taking it and wiping his face on his own. Good. Goro wasn’t his damn mother.

“Rivals huh?” sniffed Akira, folding the handkerchief and laying his hands in his lap. “I think I prefer that to best friends, or acquaintances.”

“Of course. You’re the only one worthy of it after all.” Goro crossed his arms, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “I’m going to be blunt here: Are you in love with me?”

Akira’s face flushed, but his gaze didn’t waver. “I- I guess so. I never actually thought too deeply about it, but I guess to put a name to the emotion I feel it’d be that.”

Goro didn’t expect him to admit it. He knew Akira liked men, he admitted it, but Goro himself never gave a thought to it. He never really liked anybody. All Goro’s thoughts were consumed by pure, raw hate. Anger. Bloodlust. Occasionally sadness. Never trivial things such as love, however, Akira always brought out unidentified emotions. He thought back to high school. He felt frustration and truly believed he hated Akira, but is that the case? He sighed through his nose. No. He didn’t hate Akira and he never has. Does he share Akira’s feelings?

“You don’t have to feel the same way,” said Akira calmly. “You asked and I answered. We can leave it at that.”

Goro held up a finger. “I’m thinking, please shut up.”

“Uh--”

“I don’t want to say I don’t feel the same way,” slowly began Goro. “But I don’t know anything about liking or loving people, and I was convinced I hated you for most of my life. Neither of us are certainly in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship. To sum up my thoughts, I think I’m also infatuated with you. You’re handsome enough, the only person to keep up with me intellectually, and you don’t bore me.”

Akira blinked. Once. Twice. Then, he burst into laughter. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but I guess that’s the response I should’ve expected.” Goro flushed. “Of course. I think how we are now is just fine.”

Akira stuck out his hand. Goro squinted at it curiously before eyes widening in realization. He gave Akira a small nod before clasping their hands together and shaking. Goro smiled brightly at Akira who beamed right back. “Rivals?” he said.

Goro chuckled. “Rivals.”

“How about we go back to the fair in celebration of our established rivalry and friendship?”

Goro stood up, brushing himself off. “Yes, you did pay for tickets after all. How about we race to see who can win the most games?”

Akira smirked. “You’re on, but first let me finish this candy apple.”

After Akira finished his treat, the two began walking. Goro felt like everything was supposed to change somehow. He’d feel different. Whenever their arms brushed, he was supposed to feel fireworks or some shit. Instead, he felt calm. Almost relaxed. It was almost as if Akira did not just break down in a garden at some festival after running into his friends.

“How about there,” said Akira, pointing vaguely at a random stand.

“Where?”

“They’re catching goldfish. Wanna see who can catch the most?”

Goro didn’t think of how he’d have to keep the goldfish afterwards and instead nodded enthusiastically. They scurried up to the stand, ignoring the children also there and instead got to work.

All Goro had to do was catch some stupid goldfish before the paper breaks. Simple enough.

Goro paid no mind to Akira as he scooped the goldfish. The little bastard was slippery! He managed to get one into his bowl as he aggressively scooped through the water, but kept missing the fish. It’s just a damn fish, why is it so hard?

He spared one glance towards Akira before his eyes bulged out of his head. Akira already had four! Goro grit his teeth, going to scoop another goldfish only for the paper to tear. “What is this bullshit?” he grumbled to himself. He looked around, seeing Akira staring down at him with a smirk as he cradled a bowl with four goldfish.

“Are you kidding me?” snapped Goro. “It’s goldfish!”

“It’s okay Goro,” Akira cooed. “You can keep my goldfish. Morgana will probably want to eat them.”

Goro’s eyebrows shot up. “I have to keep them?”

Akira shrugged. “You don’t have to.”

“I’m not paying for a tank. I’m not sure I want to waste my salary paying for fish.”

“That’s a shame. I already named them all,” sighed Akira, gingerly dumping the goldfish back into the water. “Onto bigger and better activities then?”

Goro stepped away, allowing the children to play the child’s game he got frustrated over. “What in God’s name did you name them?”

“Akira Junior, Akira Senior, Goro, and Gorb.”

Goro blinked. “Gorb?”

“He was the fattest one.” Akira huffed, “Did you not name yours?”

“I suppose I’ll name him…. Uh...Rousseau.”

“Rosseau?” echoed Akira, beginning to walk. Goro hurried up to walk side by side. “Whatever floats your boat, I guess.”

Goro ignored the obvious judgement from Akira and scanned the area. The sun was setting, casting an orange glow among the festival. It gave Akira color, a halo floating around his hair. Goro ignored the irony and simply admired how beautiful Akira looked in the sunset. “How about the ferris wheel?” he said after he pulled his eyes away to settle onto the wheel.

Akira was still staring at the sunset. “The sunset will look beautiful on it. Let’s hurry.” He grabbed onto Goro’s hand, except this time their fingers interlaced. Goro ignored how Akira’s hands were somehow larger than Goro despite him being taller and they walked together towards the ferris wheel.

“I’ve never been on a ferris wheel,” admitted Goro as they settled onto their seats. They weren’t exactly comfortable and he was sure somebody just sweated all over the seat, but he ignored it in favor of looking out the window.

“Really? I’ve been on tons of times. The sunset is somehow even more beautiful on top of the ferris wheel.”

It began moving slowly. Goro pulled his gaze away from the magnetic sunset, borderline forcing himself. He’s no Kitagawa, who would probably go on a rant about the beauty and the meaning behind it all, however he could appreciate a moment when a beautiful moment is handed to him. Akira was looking right at him.

Akira looked beautiful.

Goro couldn’t stop the thought as it flashed through his mind. It almost disgusted him. He has gotten soft over the years. The anger and the bloodlust and the numbness will always remain, it’s who he is but he couldn’t help but wish to mellow a bit around Akira. Akira’s features softened, his jet black hair illuminated, his grey eyes glowing, his skin clear of any blemishes but if Goro looked closely he could see deep eyebags that were drowned out by the illuminating light. Goro wondered how he looked at that moment, ever the self obsessed one. He probably had the opposite effect from Akira. Darkened from the light facing his back.

It seems the universe is offering them symbolism. Before Goro could stop himself, he sat down next to Akira. They both faced the sunset directly this time. They were so close if they were any closer Akira would be on his lap.

Neither of them spoke, obviously not wishing to ruin the moment. Goro was ever the talkative one and felt the urge to fill the silence, but he held his tongue and dug his nails into the palm of his hands.

After what felt forever, and the blaring light of the sun dulled as night began to sweep across the area, Akira softly spoke up. “I’m...really happy right now.”

Goro looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “That’s quite sudden. You broke the silence.”

Akira patted Goro’s knee. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Goro rolled his eyes, averting his gaze and not focusing how Akira didn’t remove his hand from Goro’s knee. His instinct was to lie and say he was happy in return. To be honest, no particular emotion stood out at that moment. He wasn’t sad. He certainly wasn’t angry.

Was happiness just a lack of sadness? Or can the two coexist? Goro’s nails dug deeper into his palms that were placed awkwardly in his lap. Ah, here he was, getting lost in thought again. Goro took a deep breath before quietly responding, “I’m content.”

“And that’s all I can ask for,” hummed Akira as they seemed to reach the peek of the wheel. “C’mere.” He pulled out his phone with one hand and the other wrapped around Goro’s shoulders, tugging him close.

Goro could smell Akira’s shampoo and cologne. He breathed in, not fearing whether he was creepy or not as Akira pulled up the camera app. Goro looked up at himself. He can’t remember the last time he took a photo of himself. Most likely high school with that stupid food instagram he kept up.

What the major difference was that his eyes held some resemblance of life.

“Smile, Goro!” Akira said, flashing a pearly-white smile.

Goro sighed and smiled his faux, princely smile.

“A real one,” pushed Akira.

Goro frowned. “That is my real smile.”

Akira shook his head before squeezing Goro’s side. Ever the ticklish one, he let out a squeal of laughter and Akira quickly snapped the photo. Goro’s face burned as he glared at Akira. “What a dirty trick.”

“All is fair in love and war, honey,” Akira winked before holding up the photo to show Goro.

He looked unrecognizable. His eyes were squeezed shut, his body slightly angled towards Akira so you couldn’t see his whole face. Nose scrunched up, lips peeled back due to his real smile being rather gummy, and his tongue sticking slightly out awkwardly.

Goro couldn’t help but hate it, but soon adored it when he saw Akira’s expression. He was smirking as you could see his hand faintly at Goro’s side and he was also facing Goro. His eyes gleamed with mischief and unmistakable happiness as the sunset provided a marvelous lighting.

“This is a nice picture,” finally commented Goro.

“Astute observation, detective!”

“Thanks, Watson,” joked Goro. “If you told me twelve years ago I’d be riding a ferris wheel, joking and chatting about my feelings with the man I wanted to put a bullet in, I’d probably spit in your face.”

“Didn’t need the bullet part.”

“Ah, old habits die hard I suppose.” Goro’s nails finally stopped digging into his palm as he felt himself relax.

“Of course. Never change Goro.”

And Goro knew Akira meant it.

It was mostly dark by the time they got off the ferris wheel, Goro’s sense of balance a little off. He got a sick pleasure from watching Akira nearly faceplant when he stumbled off. He almost wished Akira did so he could snap a photo of it and make it his wallpaper.

The lights were colorful, creating a purple glow on Akira’s face. It also began to cool down, allowing Akira to unroll his sleeves as the breeze rustled their hair. They soon entered a clearing with more bushes and fountains, however this time there was a live band playing jazz. Akira looked over at Goro with a jubilant expression. “I didn’t know they were gonna play live music like this!”

Goro couldn’t fight off the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He quite liked jazz and used to go to the jazz bar quite often back in high school. He should go again. A small crowd of people formed, not too terribly crowded, but enough to know that he should be wary of his footing.

Akira’s eyes were closed, head tilted so he was leaning towards the music, as if sirens were playing and he was being entranced. Goro listened to the soft saxophone and the melodic ring of the piano, lights everywhere hanging and illuminating the area. There were a few chairs here and there where people sat, but mostly there were small groups forming of mostly adults with drinks in hand. Some were hand in hand, dancing and swaying while others simply stood without movement and noise.

Goro felt his shoulders droop. He wanted to melt into the floor. Nothing soothed him more than soft jazz. He wished he never gave up on learning piano, it was such a beautiful instrument.

His idle stance was short lived, however, when he felt somebody gingerly grab onto his hand. It was so gentle it felt like when it was held it was going to break any moment. Goro looked at Akira whose eyes opened and he was looking at Goro with an expression of sheer adoration. Goro felt mildly uncomfortable, yet he wanted to explore the other emotions swirling in his chest--he couldn’t identify them, but they bubbled up pleasantly and this time he didn’t stop his smile.

Akira slowly lifted Goro’s hand, leaving a feather-light kiss on the back of it, Goro could barely feel it. Goro huffed a small laugh. “Are you the prince now, hmm?”

Akira lowered Goro’s hand, but didn’t let go of it. Instead, he slowly laced their fingers together and tentatively rested his other hand on Goro’s shoulder. Goro self consciously glanced around, but nobody spared the two men a second glance, so he placed his hand on Akira’s waist.

Akira pulled Goro closer so they were chest to chest, his head almost nestled underneath Goro’s chin. Goro could feel his stickiness due to the sweat, but he couldn’t find himself to care too much as they slowly began swaying. Goro wanted to say something, anything, but like the greedy boy he is he hungrily ate up the silence and the moment he held.

They took a couple steps, Goro stumbling and accidentally stepping on Akira’s toes. He let out a soft chuckle, chest rumbling. Goro tightened his grip on Akira very, very lightly as if Akira would slip away. He could barely hear the music. He blocked everything out except how close they were and the smell of Akira and the sound of his soft breaths and laughter and how right everything felt in that moment.

Goro thought once again back to the past. He focuses too often on the past. He can’t help it; however this time he forced himself to think back on the present. He doesn’t know how long this moment will last, after all.

“Have you ever danced before?” he breathed.

Akira shook his head, allowing Goro to spin them clumsily. “Nope. Have you?”

“I...have,” slowly said Goro. “But I’m less than mediocre, I’m afraid.”

Akira let out another soft laugh along with Goro. They continued swaying, taking free steps and spinning.

The music slowly died out, and the two men took that as their cue to step apart as more upbeat music began playing. Goro ignored the fire burning in his chest but how cold he felt at their parting.

Akira jokingly curtseyed as they parted and Goro played along with a flourish bow. “Thank you for that dance,” whispered Goro, taking a step backward away from somebody who wedged through them to get to the now escalating celebration. He glanced at his phone. It was nearing eight at night.

“Time sure does fly,” sighed Akira. “Anything else you wish to do?”

Goro felt tired even though they were out for three hours. “There’s only so much you can do here,” admitted Goro. “I think I’m tired out.”

Akira yawned. “Me too. You wanna head back?” He extended his hand.

Goro took it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made another tumblr and a twitter just for p5 hehe u should follow  
> main tumblr: @a-failed-exorcism  
> p5 tumblr: @akechisthickass  
> twitter: @akechisthickass


	5. Chapter 5

“What’s this?” Asked Goro dumbly as he stared down at Akira’s outstretched, open faced palm as if he didn’t have eyes.

Akira gave him a small, warm smile. “A key.”

Goro shook his head. “I can clearly see that. What for?”

“It’s for you,” he answered as if that would answer Goro’s question.

“Yeah, okay, _what for_.”

Akira’s mouth formed a small ‘O’ before bashfully rubbing the back of his neck, other hand outstretched with the key. Goro grabbed it, feeling awkward for Akira. “Well, uh, sorry, just I figured since you stay over all the time and….you’d like a key here?”

Goro gaped. “Are you asking me to move in?”

Akira flushed, waving his hands. “That’s not what I meant! I just meant...you know...if you ever need anything...that isn’t to say I wouldn’t mind living with you?”

“I quit my job,” said Goro, aware of how painfully off topic the statement was as he pocketed the key. “That’s why I originally came over. I quit it.”

“Oh?” Akira’s eyes widened but they were shining. “Does this call for a celebration?”

Goro smiled back. “Maybe.” The key felt heavy in his pocket. “I uh...Wouldn’t mind spending the er- living with you either?”

Akira looked positively giddy. “Really?”

“Well...especially since I just quit my job and all. I quit it in favor of writing, actually. The job was miserable anyway…”

Akira lunged forward, enveloping Goro into a hug. He nuzzled his face into Goro’s neck, breathing deeply. Goro stiffened, still not used to Akira’s open affection, before squeezing back. “I’m so happy! I was so scared you’d say no.”

“Is Morgana aware of this arrangement?”

Akira froze.

“I assume he’s not then.”

Akira pulled away, but his arms were still wrapped around Goro’s waist. “It’ll be fine. You always feed him sushi-- don’t think I don’t notice you secretly feeding him human food.”

“He’s not a normal cat,” defended Goro. “It doesn’t seem to have any harm on him.”

Akira rolled his eyes before fully pulling away. “Are you going to miss your constantly fucking neighbors?”

Goro thought back to the odd lesbian duo that he met a couple weeks back. Now that he thinks about it, he hasn’t seen them in a while. He shook his head. “No, not really.”

Ever since the fair, the two were in a weird position. The two were constantly walking on eggshells, the both of them not exactly well versed in relationships and scared of running the other off. Goro knew Akira was especially aware of this who took up until three days ago to not ask a thousand times if Goro was alright with a hug.

It was nice, though. Their relationship held no names. In fact, they haven’t even kissed yet. Goro knew they were in some sort of dating scenario, and now that they were living together he was sure they were technically dating, but Goro didn’t mind the lack of labels. Until recently, he didn’t even think about the possibility of being attracted to men.

Or anybody really.

The possibility of a relationship was just impossible in his eyes. He thought he was going to be dead before twenty at the latest. Yet here he was, being asked to move in with Akira Kurusu. Goro’s chest squeezed.

Akira grabbed a hold of his hand and dragged him into the living room where he plopped down, bouncing lightly. He pulled Goro towards him to where he laid on top of Akira who was sinking deep into his insanely uncomfortable couch.

“They’ve been asking about you.”

“Who?”

“Ann. Ryuji. Yusuke. I don’t think they told everybody else, though.”

“Oh.” Goro awkwardly tried to pull himself off Akira but his grip tightened. “What did they say?”

“They were just confirming stuff. Like if it’s really you.”

“And what did you say?”

“That you’re alive and well.”

“Anything else?”

Akira hummed, running a hand through Goro’s hair. “Your hair is getting long again. Are you going to cut it?”

“I don’t know. I only kept it short as some sort of...distancing. I miss my long hair though.” Goro tried to pull away again, this time Akira relented who sat up against the arm of the couch. Goro was still awkwardly knelt between his legs and hands on either side of Akira. “What did you say to them?”

“Don’t worry--I just was saying that we weren’t anything concrete and we were just at the fair as friends.” Akira raised his legs, wrapping them around Goro and pulling him closer. Goro yelped. “Goro?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really happy I ran into you that day.”

Akira said that a lot. Every five seconds, it felt. It felt less of relief that Akira caught Goro before he did anything Goro’d regret and more that Akira was relieved he caught Goro before Akira’d do anything he’d regret. He still danced away from the topic everytime Goro tried to bring it up, however.

“Me too, Akira.” Goro untangled Akira’s legs from him. “I guess I should rent out my apartment then, hm?”

Akira looked up at him. There was always a sadness twinkling there that made Goro’s gut wrench. Akira looked happy and healthy, but Goro knew since the day Akira admitted how lost he felt at the fair that not everything was for Goro’s happiness alone. No, he knew that Akira also was using Goro as a lifeboat.

Goro didn’t think he minded too much, however.

“Yeah, you should,” whispered Akira. “Goro?”

“What is it this time?”

“Can I...Can I kiss you?”

Goro flushed, heart pounding against his chest. He tucked a strand behind his ear, eyes shifting away from Akira’s patient and kind face. He swallowed dryly. “...Do you even have to ask?”

“Goro….”

“Yes.”

Akira didn’t need to be told twice. Akira immediately cupped Goro’s face, yanking him closer as their lips connected. Goro melted, lifting his hand to place it on Akira’s shoulder for better balance. It wasn’t rough or aggressive or needy. It was calm and it soothed Goro as he pressed more into Akira who pressed back enthusiastically.

Air. Yes. Goro needed air. He pulled back with a gasp. He avoided looking at Akira who probably felt smug. Goro awkwardly fell backwards on the couch as he awkwardly met Akira’s gaze.

Yup. He was looking smug.

“That was uh,” Goro licked his lips. “Nice.”

“Yup,” Akira said back, amused with a pop of the ‘p.’

“...Let’s do that again.”

_**5 years later.** _

_Oftentimes one doesn’t think enough about their own mortality. Not exactly the basis of what happens after death or what death is like or when they will die. No, one doesn’t think enough about how they’re alive. Breathing, heart pumping and rushing, interaction with everything else in this world. You are **alive.**_

_We think about it so little that when we come to terms with our living-ness it gives us whiplash. It’s odd. It’s uncomfortable. We don’t want to think about it. We just want to be mindless and go through the motions without a second-thought._

_When you’re dying, do you finally begin to come to terms with your own mortality? The answer is yes. Through…._

“What’cha reading, honey?” Akira’s voice distantly asked.

Goro’s gaze snapped up from the book he was absently reading, thumbing through the pages while skipping lines. He didn’t bother to mark the page as he set the book down, cover flashing with familiarity. “An old book.”

Akira strutted up behind Goro’s desk chair, peering over his shoulder. “Your book? Goro, I knew you had an ego but--”

“Just a trip down memory lane,” sighed Goro. “It is a sort of...autobiography of sorts.”

What is Goro kidding, it basically is an autobiography just with name changes. Unless you knew Goro deeply and personally (which is basically only Akira) you would never be able to guess.

Akira squeezed Goro’s shoulder affectionately, Goro looking down at the pretty engagement ring on his finger. Goro proposed two months ago the same day he was planning to kill himself five years ago. Not exactly romantic, but it was the day the two reunited and the day Goro “died.”

To this day, he still isn’t exactly sure how he lived. He won’t complain, however. He will leave that one up to the gods.

“It is a very well written book,” praised Akira. “It even won best seller.”

Goro flushed, glancing back at the book before looking back at Akira. Akira’s eyes no longer held the same sort of lonely sadness.

“Anyway, we still need to get a wedding gift for Yusuke and Ryuji,” sighed Akira. “Their wedding is next month, you know.”

Goro groaned, slapping his face. “I forgot about that.”

Akira tugged Goro’s cheek, ignoring his fiance’s squawk. “C’mon, Goro, I guarantee you they probably already have our wedding gift planned.”

“...Akira I guarantee you they don’t.”

“Well...It’s probably just going to be a painting if anything,” admitted Akira.

“Exactly.”

“I can’t wait until ours,” sighed Akira.

“When did you become the swooning type?” Teased Goro.

“Since I met your sappy ass.”

“Sappy?” Gasped Goro. “I’m not sappy.”

“Not until you met me.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” chuckled Goro. “I smell something burning, don’t you have dinner to get to?”

Akira’s eyes widened, jaw dropping comically. “Oh shit.”

“Better get to that then besides making fun of me.”

“I would never make fun of you,” lied Akira.

The burning smell got stronger.

“Akira.”

“Oops!” As Akira turned around, Goro couldn’t help but swat at his butt.

Akira looked over his shoulder and winked before hurrying back into their kitchen.

Goro smiled fondly as he hurried away before turning his desk chair back to his desk. He ran a hand across the cover of the book before sliding it onto the bookshelf with two other of his books. He’d been busy writing ever since he quit his job. Inspiration just hit him full swing.

Funny how your mind wanders but in different ways when you’re not constantly thinking about your death.

Almost twenty years ago, Goro never thought twice about anybody but himself.

Seventeen years ago, Goro only thought about killing Shido and Akira Kurusu.

Fifteen years ago, Goro only thought about how miserable he felt.

Five years ago, Goro only thought about how meaningless keeping himself alive was.

One year ago, Goro finally found somebody to want him around.

Goro rubbed at his face. Maybe Akira was right. He is getting sappy.

“Honey! I saved the food, it’s not burned, come eat!” A distant voice called.

“Coming!” Called back Goro, eyes still trained on his best-selling book.

He smiled at it, calm and fondly. He turned around to go eat, his stomach rumbling low due to not eating since lunch that day due to a sudden inspiration of writing.

Whilst he ate, a book about a tale about a boy who didn’t know who he was, what he was doing, or anything about the world sat idly on Goro’s shelf for the next time he revisited the riveting tale about his life called “Someone to You.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes this is the end! sorry to anybody who wanted this to go any longer, and id like it to go longer too, but any story that drags longer than five chapters for me ends up being very half assed trust me. i hope this ending will satiate you all, considering the original ending was going to be much more depressing. i was actually going to have goro go through his suicide anyway, but taht would kinda ruin the entir epoint of the story so i decided not to
> 
> ty for reading and stay tuned for my other shuakeshu fics!
> 
> follow my tumblr n twitter:  
> @akechisthickass


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